Friday, July 9, 2010

Sometimes, people are douchebags.

I'm 28. You'd think that would have sunken in by now. Like, I'd be adequately jaded against this shit already. But somehow I forget it, over and over.

And then I get really depressed when I remember it.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I have too lofty of an idea of how people shouldn't fucking suck.

Rhiannon is on this kick lately where she keeps telling me to not let monsters get her. And she makes us check under the beds and stuff, and holds onto me. And it's 20% fear, 80% playacting. So I tell her every night how there are no monsters and blah blah blah.

But I'm a liar, because there *are* monsters. They don't have fangs or claws or anything. But they exist. And some day, she'll meet one.

Hopefully, it won't be the really, really awful kind - the abusers or the killers or the rapists or whatever. But there are others. There are people who lie and cheat and fuck up people's lives out of some stupid reason that is known only to them. There are people who pretend to be friends who sell you out because they somehow think that that's the fair thing to do. Because they are totally incapable of taking a goddamned stance on anything that doesn't involve their own life, even though they expect that stance from their friends. There are people who ignore injustices and people who perpetrate them and they surround us. Because some people are just douchebags.

I've always been one of those people who totally believes that bad people get theirs in the end and karma and so on. But lately it's been pretty hard to buy that, since no one seems to get comeuppances and the best people I know seem to get systematically screwed.


My optimism is at an all time low today. Maybe I should look up pictures of baby kittens or wonderful heartwarming crap to feel better. Or maybe I'll just take Keira to bed with me pretty soon and sleep it off. Perhaps pessimism is like drunkenness that way.

I wish I could write more and give more details to just get all this shit out and stop letting it weigh on me, but I can't even do that, as there could be real ramifications if I did and the wrong people happened upon my blog. Suck.

Bed it is then. And maybe the rest of that fair trade chocolate bar I've been saving. Mmmm hazelnut.


Summer said...

Dude. I have written this blog. Been dealing the last nine months with a friendship gone horribly awry, my entire family taken advantage of, and no way to blog it out lest the wrong eyes view it. And believe me, when you vent, it becomes quite clear that you aren't allowed to.

Blah. I am so sorry hon. My faith in humanity is also at an all time mega low.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a kind of grieving process, maybe give yourself some slack? We tend to get into trouble when we think things such as "Shouldn't I be over this by now?" Healing takes time and it's not set to any clock or calendar. Be good to yourself and those you love.