Monday, July 13, 2009

Defeated

So Mondays suck, right?

Yeah, well, they extra suck today.

Everything that could go wrong today has, even things I could never have dreamt of. It started off with the normal Monday crap...hate my boss, work is too early, et cetera...and it just got worse and worse. Into my sister's estranged husband running off with her kids, and someone I love very much losing something very important to them.

It's pretty much the Monday from hell.

And it's beyond just hating the actions. I'm starting to get a serious case of weltschmertz. I'm so seriously depressed by how awful everything on Earth feels right now. I feel like every forward step I've ever taken keeps getting erased. I hate how much injustice is in the world, and I hate how totally powerless I feel right now. Powerless to stop it. Powerless to fix it. Powerless to do anything at all.

Powerlessness sucks.

I'm a very proactive person. I take steps to fix things, I'm aggressive, I don't wait. I don't let things ride. I make them better, damn it. And...I can't. Seriously. Can't. Do. Anything. I'm totally defeated.

So repetitive, I know, but I can't express it enough.

And I'm so not used to being depressed. I mean, I've had bouts, generally prior to leaving my husband and during some of the drama thereafter. But my life has been coasting along in this quiet, happy, contented way. And then, BOOM! It's all sorts of crap, in a second.

I don't even know how to end this. I have no real closing.

This wasn't even supposed to be an emo blog like this. It was supposed to be this insightfully amusing blog about how stupid bosses are, how ridiculous things in the workplace can be. But then a whopping case of life happened, and now...here I sit.

I promise next time this won't be so...unfun, I guess. Things will get better, I'm sure, and everyone will be happier, and I'll crack jokes and all my normal jazz.

Until then.

2 comments:

Gwen said...

I also can't stand to be powerless, I can't handle not being able to "fix the world" My Dad would always remind me I couldn't do it all on my own. So I do what I can and usually cry about what I can't ::hugs::

Atina said...

Sometimes life just takes a swift kick for someone's nuts. I've learned (only kind of) that it bites and eventually everything will go on to being out-flipping-standing. Until then, remember someone always has it worse, and wouldn't it suck to be that person who has it worse than anyone else? :-) And picture this Elmer Fudd raping Porky the Pig, that should at least get a flippin' smile.
Oh and is foul language allowed in comments, cause that would have kicked more ass if it does.