Monday, July 27, 2009

Jealousy

(AA meeting style)

Hi, my name is Star, and I'm a jealous bitch.

*Hi, Star.*

(/meeting to get to the point...)

It's not that my boyfriend is some crazy player type, and I ever have to worry. Far from it. My boyfriend is a sweet, caring, wonderful man who is one of the last people on Earth you would ever think would do anything like that.

And it's not even that I think he is, or would, or anything. I actually believe that any girl stupid enough to not sense the so-happily-taken-it's-ridiculous vibe radiating off of him would get shot down with a quickness. In a nice way, but still. I have every confidence in his fidelity.

It isn't that I begrudge him female friends, either. *I* have guy friends. And I think more of them would have nefarious intentions towards me than his chick friends do towards him. And although I have my suspicions that a few of his girl friends would like to step out of the friend zone, none of them has ever done anything to make me go, "No. That's just blatantly offensive, enough, her or me." One of them would have to do something ridiculous, like sprawl naked in his bed and proposition him, for me to even contemplate something crazy like that.

But, man, sometimes he has certain friends that I just internally seethe when I hear him talk to, about, text to, et cetera. And there's no rhyme or reason to it...like I said, even if *they* had designs, I trust him, implicitly. So that's not it.

Nor do I think he's going to wake up and go, "Jesus, I'm dating...her? Really?" I don't have low self esteem normally or anything. I'm a pretty egotistical person by nature. And it's not that I feel like I'm not good enough for him. I think he's amazing, I feel lucky to have him, but he should feel lucky, too. Because I'm a pretty good catch, too.

I'm not doing anything shady, either. You know how they say people who get jealous are sometimes that way because they're doing wrong? Nope, none of that going down.

So why the jealousy?

Seriously. I'm asking. Analyzing it in normal terms hasn't worked (how new and different, me, not being normal, lol.) And it bothers me to have those feelings. And I'm sure it bothers him a little to see me get all green eyed over such dumb shit. But I can't help it.

Sigh.

2 comments:

Atina said...

The green eyed monster is an evil bitch. It is just a process of looking in the mirror and reminding yourself you are a fucking great catch, and Shane rocked the house when you to made your commitment to be together. I had the same issue for a while, and I've finally gotten over it. And my self esteem SUCKS ass. Does how great and friendly Shawn treats the waitress still get to me, yep! Do I KNOW that he will always come home to me? YEP! And that's what I have to tell the green eyed monster rears her big boobed blonde self. He comes home to me (figuratively or whatever, since ya all don't live together *yet*). I try to limit my uber bad habits (you know the 7 sins) to much cooler things things like sex, drugs, alcohol, and okay like one of those... :-) You get my drift.

Star said...

#1 There is NOTHING wrong with big boobed blondes. Jerk. lol

#2 Sex is ok in marriage, so your sin is way less than sinful.

#3 I was all worried you'd think you were one of the chicks I hate, and I seriously hoped all day that I hadn't offended you.

#4 Thanks. :)