Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Nonsense, mostly

Blogger just told me this blog has 100 posts. So that's fun. Some of you (ok, probably none of you) have read my nonsense 100 times. Go me. Or you. Something.

But the problem that I run into here, kind of, is that you all know me. So I can't ever talk about the shit I want to talk about. So I keep being tempted to create a huge fake persona, and write a fake blog that's actually all of the real, honest shit about my life. But I'm an actual real person, and only like 5 people give a shit what I write on here. My fake person would just be one of a sea of billions of stupid blogs and no one would care. And it's not simply the catharsis of writing that appeals to me, but the connection. I like blogs that I read because I get it, because there's this thing, the "I can relate to that!" feeling. It's the thing that would be missing if I was fake. Because what would I do to cultivate a readership if I made a fake account? Make a fake Facebook? Fake meet fake people and then urge them to read my shit? Post my own shit on my real Facebook and just disavow writing it?

You see why this is problematic?

This is the place, on the interwebs, where I'm probably the most honest, and I'm not even that honest here anymore. Because honesty can be used against you. Honesty leads to vulnerability which leads to other people fucking with you. And I have seriously no time for that shit. I get myself into enough shit on a daily basis, I don't need you to throw me into any, too.

Not you like you guys. Just in general.

This is another pretty nonsensical blog, I'm sure. Lately, that's the only time I'm compelled to write. Because by typing things out, clean black words on a blank white screen, everything is supposed to make sense again. Or at least feel less. "Less what, Star. You left out a word." No, I didn't. Just less.

I had this conversation today with someone about various things. A lot of it was random bullshit. And some of it was really incredibly nice stuff about me, which I utterly and honestly deserve none of. Truth. But this person is a goddamn champion, and subsequently, I want to direct said person to this blog. Because that is how people see you. I know it seems all romantic and you might extract the romantic connotations, but other than that, yeah. You wake up rooms. You have absolutely no idea you do it, either, and it cracks me up. Anyways, this is my momentary shout out to you, my friend. *raises wine glass*

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