Thursday, February 11, 2010

Stream of Consciousness

I'm a little more worried than I probably should be about this pregnancy. See, I'm a worrier. If they had, say, the Grammys for worries? Pfft, I'd be all up in that business. I *try* to be laid back and all that jazz, but I'm really bad about dwelling and freaking out over small things. Anyways, this particular small thing is, well, small. With Rhi, I was induced because my amniotic fluid was way low. And now they're monitoring me for the exact same thing with Kiera. And, today, the ultrasound tech said the fluid was normal, but on the low side of normal, and advised me to drink a lot of water. Which is frustrating, because I almost guarantee that I consume more water per day than almost anyone reading this blog. But I'm going to try to cut out that daily Coke (well, or I'll just do the decaf version, since it's a huge craving this pregnancy) and replace it with 2 more glasses of water.

On the bright side, I seem to have slowed down a lot on gaining weight. In the first trimester, I gained a ton with exercise restrictions, tiredness, and crippling nausea that wouldn't stop unless I had something in my mouth at all times. The second trimester, I just overindulged cravings. This trimester, I'm just making sure that when I eat I'm actually hungry, versus "Mmmm that looks good, I could eat, I guess." That seems to be helping, a lot.

I'm cancelling my gym membership, though. Why? Because, honestly, when we move, there is no way in hell that I'm going to be able to drive to town and cart 2 kids daily to go to a gym. It'd be expensive and selfish. So I'm just going to buy a Wii Fit. The Jillian Michaels thing, because she both scares and awes me, lol. I have an elliptical too so I think I will be in good shape as long as I actually use them. I also think I'm going to get a set of 8 pound or 10 pound weights to continue to tone my arms. Which have turned to flab since I've been a slacker. :(

My goal is to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight and tone in 6 months or less. Since I'm going to nurse her, I can't lose it too too rapidly. So I think 6 months is a good goal. I know I could do it a lot faster, but again...I don't want to lose it crazy fast with the bfing thing.

Rhi's first big girl Valentine party is tomorrow. That's insane. She's getting so big so fast. And she's so exceptional...smart, funny, and surprisingly athletic for being *my* child. I know all parents think their kids are just amazing, but she seriously blows my mind.

I'm so overly emotional lately. I feel like a caricature of a hormonal chick, and it makes me crazy. I cried at a cartoon the other day. I won't even tell you which one, I'm too embarrassed. I have also cried at, in the past week: a book, a commercial, a baby magazine, Rhi singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Twitter. Twitter, for god's sake! And those are the things I knew I was crying about. I have also, three times now, cried for NO APPARENT REASON. I'm stupid jealous and paranoid, too. I became convinced that Shane was having an affair the other day. Why? Hahahaha, if I knew, I could tell ya. Shane is like the least likely cheater on Earth.

I find myself re-reading all the same crap over and over and over, so if anyone has books they no longer want, they should pass them on to me.

I'm so so so so so so so so so glad for this three day weekend. I need it like whoa. My job is really stressing me out, mostly because my overly emo self is taking everything on Earth to heart lately. I really wish I could afford to go on maternity leave now, but we just can't afford for me to. Sucks, but there are only fiftyish more days left til my two weeks of vacation followed by maternity leave. I can do fiftyish days, especially since in three weeks, I get four day workweeks by virtue of prenatal monitoring. So it'll actually be less than that.

I think every day how I should start packing crap up to move, then I realize that Rhi and I basically only have our essentials at this house. What I seriously need to do is throw out half the crap I have in storage. But that seems like a huge undertaking, so I'm being a procrastinator.

I feel like this blog seems whiny, and I don't mean for it to. I really do have a pretty amazing life, full of love and laughter and wonderful people and times. I'm very blessed like that. I don't, and won't, take that for granted. :)

Yawn. I'm signing off now and going to sleep for sure. Night, blog reader type people.

1 comment:

AnnaMama said...

you are adorable. I can't tell you how SIMILAR I was during my recent pregnancy. And you're not being whiney, sometimes you need a hug, for no reason. I can't give you one... but here's a E one instead ::HUGS:: hang in there lady! You're pretty awesome!