Why Do I Care?

So a few minutes ago, I was bitching to Shane about this cover from OK! Magazine:


And I told him that there was NO FUCKING WAY that someone who is 5'4" and gained 55lbs with her pregnancy could be rocking a bikini like that 8 weeks after having her baby...especially after having admitted to losing only 25lbs.

His response was that he didn't really care, and he didn't know why I did.

I care because it's bullshit, to put it plainly.

First of all, the normal weight to gain during your pregnancy is somewhere between 25-35lbs. At least seven pounds of that is maternal fat stores. As in, straight up fat. The rest is varying degrees of baby stuff, like placenta, baby, amniotic fluid, extra blood, et cetera. And, surprise! Even after you deliver, you're not usually just 7 pounds over your former weight. Because even if you gained everything perfectly, it takes your body awhile to readjust from nine months of baby baking. Basically, the same reason you're an emotional nutcase after birth is the reason you're not insta-skinny.

Anyways, Kendra gained 55 pounds. So, probably, oh...at least 27 pounds of that was straight fat. She lost 25. Her baby was nine pounds. You picking up what I'm putting down here? Most of what she's lost is what ANY woman would be down by at 8 weeks postpartum, because by 8 weeks, your body has adjusted to some extent. So a 5'4" woman with (I'll be generous) at least 20 extra pounds of straight fat looks like that in a bikini?

Yeah, no.

So, why does it matter again?

It matters because women are judged on how they look. We all know it, there's no need to sugarcoat it. So why saddle them with an impossible post baby ideal? Because it sells magazines? That's a bullshit reason. It sells magazines because poor foolish people are picking that up going, "How the hell did she...oh! Diet tips! I can do this too!"

But you can't. Even if you are someone who lost all the weight in 8 weeks, unless you're like Heidi Klum, who spent her entire pregnancy eating exceptionally well, exercising, and generally taking supernaturally good care of herself while resuming post pregnancy working out and dieting 4.2 seconds after giving birth, you're still not usually in bikini condition 8 weeks later. You've probably *just* resumed working out (if you've bothered to at all.) Your skin is stretched out, you're stretch mark laden, your muscle tone is lessened and you're not feeling too awesome about yourself anyways. Then OK Magazine and Kendra come along and imply that if you're not in tip top shape again, you're obviously not doing something right.

It's depressing, ridiculous, and utter nonsense.

And not only is it bad for the self image and esteem of new moms, but it also gives new dads pretty unrealistic expectations.

Because let's look at things in reality here. He may love you and think you're gorgeous no matter what. Your relationship is built on way more than looks, anyways. But that doesn't stop men from being visual creatures. And most men will admit (not to you, probably) that they worry that, post-baby, their partner won't be as sexy. It's not because men are assholes, and I'm not trying to imply that at all. It's not sexist or mean or wrong. It's a common fear, and one men are entitled to. And the misconception that someone can look like a damn Playboy model again with some simple diet tricks 8 weeks post baby without even losing all the weight they gained probably makes some men a little disconcerted at the fact that their chick is still running around in maternity jeans.

Let me just end this by saying I'm not usually a person who bitches about Photoshopped stars. If you're looking at a model in a magazine and honestly thinking she looks like that in real life, well, you probably need a reality check anyways. But it's one thing to tweak and hide flaws and another entirely to redo someone's entire damn body and market it to women who are already self conscious from a very natural event that very naturally changed their bodies.

So, fuck yourselves, OK! Magazine. And double fuck you, Kendra Wilkinson, because by now you know how difficult it can be to lose baby weight, and you still think it's ok to sell an ideal YOU can't even be to the women of America. Shame on you.

Stream of Consciousness

I'm a little more worried than I probably should be about this pregnancy. See, I'm a worrier. If they had, say, the Grammys for worries? Pfft, I'd be all up in that business. I *try* to be laid back and all that jazz, but I'm really bad about dwelling and freaking out over small things. Anyways, this particular small thing is, well, small. With Rhi, I was induced because my amniotic fluid was way low. And now they're monitoring me for the exact same thing with Kiera. And, today, the ultrasound tech said the fluid was normal, but on the low side of normal, and advised me to drink a lot of water. Which is frustrating, because I almost guarantee that I consume more water per day than almost anyone reading this blog. But I'm going to try to cut out that daily Coke (well, or I'll just do the decaf version, since it's a huge craving this pregnancy) and replace it with 2 more glasses of water.

On the bright side, I seem to have slowed down a lot on gaining weight. In the first trimester, I gained a ton with exercise restrictions, tiredness, and crippling nausea that wouldn't stop unless I had something in my mouth at all times. The second trimester, I just overindulged cravings. This trimester, I'm just making sure that when I eat I'm actually hungry, versus "Mmmm that looks good, I could eat, I guess." That seems to be helping, a lot.

I'm cancelling my gym membership, though. Why? Because, honestly, when we move, there is no way in hell that I'm going to be able to drive to town and cart 2 kids daily to go to a gym. It'd be expensive and selfish. So I'm just going to buy a Wii Fit. The Jillian Michaels thing, because she both scares and awes me, lol. I have an elliptical too so I think I will be in good shape as long as I actually use them. I also think I'm going to get a set of 8 pound or 10 pound weights to continue to tone my arms. Which have turned to flab since I've been a slacker. :(

My goal is to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight and tone in 6 months or less. Since I'm going to nurse her, I can't lose it too too rapidly. So I think 6 months is a good goal. I know I could do it a lot faster, but again...I don't want to lose it crazy fast with the bfing thing.

Rhi's first big girl Valentine party is tomorrow. That's insane. She's getting so big so fast. And she's so exceptional...smart, funny, and surprisingly athletic for being *my* child. I know all parents think their kids are just amazing, but she seriously blows my mind.

I'm so overly emotional lately. I feel like a caricature of a hormonal chick, and it makes me crazy. I cried at a cartoon the other day. I won't even tell you which one, I'm too embarrassed. I have also cried at, in the past week: a book, a commercial, a baby magazine, Rhi singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Twitter. Twitter, for god's sake! And those are the things I knew I was crying about. I have also, three times now, cried for NO APPARENT REASON. I'm stupid jealous and paranoid, too. I became convinced that Shane was having an affair the other day. Why? Hahahaha, if I knew, I could tell ya. Shane is like the least likely cheater on Earth.

I find myself re-reading all the same crap over and over and over, so if anyone has books they no longer want, they should pass them on to me.

I'm so so so so so so so so so glad for this three day weekend. I need it like whoa. My job is really stressing me out, mostly because my overly emo self is taking everything on Earth to heart lately. I really wish I could afford to go on maternity leave now, but we just can't afford for me to. Sucks, but there are only fiftyish more days left til my two weeks of vacation followed by maternity leave. I can do fiftyish days, especially since in three weeks, I get four day workweeks by virtue of prenatal monitoring. So it'll actually be less than that.

I think every day how I should start packing crap up to move, then I realize that Rhi and I basically only have our essentials at this house. What I seriously need to do is throw out half the crap I have in storage. But that seems like a huge undertaking, so I'm being a procrastinator.

I feel like this blog seems whiny, and I don't mean for it to. I really do have a pretty amazing life, full of love and laughter and wonderful people and times. I'm very blessed like that. I don't, and won't, take that for granted. :)

Yawn. I'm signing off now and going to sleep for sure. Night, blog reader type people.