Monogamy

Monogamy is hard.

I regularly kid around that I couldn't be a polygamist because I couldn't handle more than one relationship at a time, and that's not totally fictitious. Relationships are difficult. It's much easier, in some ways, to do whatever you want to do and not have to run that by anyone else ever. And I say this from within a relationship where my significant other truly doesn't care if I want to go out with my friends or randomly go shopping and doesn't fine tooth comb what I spend or where I spend it or whatever. But there are still things I have to clear with him, because he's the other half of the family decision making unit. I can't, say, decide I want to move tomorrow and just go do it.

And attraction. Listen, if you tell me you've never been attracted to anyone else ever while in a relationship, I will call you a liar to your face. Because you have been. It happens. There's a lot of good looking people out there, and certainly some of them do it for you. It's fine. It's not criminal or wrong, it's human nature.

Since my early twenties, my view on cheating has changed significantly. While I absolutely think that if you are in a serious monogamous relationship you should keep it in your pants or get out of the relationship (if it's that big of a deal to you,) I'm not all that concerned about cheating, at least physically. Do I want it to happen in my relationship? God no. Would I be super upset if Shane cheated on me? Of course. Would I forgive him? Quite possibly. If he was, like, conducting a huge love affair with another woman and wanting to actively leave me to be with her, that would be harder and I truly don't know that I could get past that. However, if he just allowed attraction to happen and it was a mistake, well, that's a little more understandable. We could, with time and effort, work through that, probably. I wouldn't necessarily see that as being worth destroying our entire life. Unless I was already unhappy in the relationship, because then I would see it as time to move on.

Honestly, if he ever had a one night thing with someone, and it involved protection and wasn't going to happen ever again, I wouldn't want to know. I think a lot of people tell their significant others about events like that out of their OWN guilt, not out of any interest in full disclosure. And what does it do? Just causes hurt and pain. If it's done and there's no pregnancy risk or risk of disease, just shut up about it!

But you know what you don't do?

You don't knock somebody up and then lie about it for ten years like Arnold Schwarzenegger. You don't wait until you fulfill your selfish ambitions to blow two families apart. Two families, because the person he had a kid with was married too and just pretended that that kid was her husband's. That's just fucked up. That's the situation where you come clean, and you apologize your ass off and you deal with the fucking fall out, whatever it may be. Because you've just put a new person on Earth, and they haven't done anything wrong. They deserve honesty THEN, not ten years later. They deserve to not have their preteen life become a media circus. Ten is awful anyways, because it starts the liking of the opposite sex and the ugly phase of puberty and all that. Doing it while Perez Hilton blogs about you is probably a fucking nightmare.

Fail, Arnold. Just fail.