Monday, February 28, 2011

I am a better songwriter than Bruno Mars

Grenade by Bruno Mars is the dumbest song ever.

Seriously. Why is this one of the top songs right now? WHY?!? It's cheesy crap, y'all, AND IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A GOOD BEAT.

And the lyrics...oh, the lyrics.

Here's the chorus:

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

Ok, first of all, thanks for catching that grenade for me and all, Bruno, but if you just stand there holding the presumably live grenade you just caught for me, don't we both just blow up? So now we're both dead. Awesome. Next time, knock the grenade away, or throw it back, or something. But you can't. Because you're dead. And where does Bruno Mars live, exactly, that live grenades are being tossed around?

Secondly, throwing your hand on a blade isn't that impressive. I've cut my hand before and lots of things suck worse than a clean cut to the hand. Like paper cuts. Bunches of them. And then swimming in the ocean. That would be torture. Also, I had a paper cut on my tongue the other day, and that sucked.

Now jumping in front of a train...what situation would this possibly be necessary in? Is some guy with a handlebar mustache tying me to the tracks? Is that what's going down here? Or am I just randomly standing in the path of a train? In either of those cases, removing me from the tracks would make more sense than jumping in front of it, Bruno. FFS, do you have a death wish?

Blah, blah, blah...more nonsense...and then we end with "but you won't do the same!" No, Bruno, I won't commit pointless suicide or cut my hand for you. Sorry. Go watch Twilight and root for Jacob or something, emo kid.

I would also like to point out that this is on an album called Doo-Wops and Hooligans. I can't even make that shit up.


Atina said...

You know I'm totally a better actor than Charlie Sheen, but it doesn't get me anywhere. Fuck logic and genetics.

Jessica Troy said...

I agree, i totally hate the lyrics..but his voice...i think is amazing. Music isnt like it used to be...boyz to men, brian Mcnight, Keith sweat...but when i heard brunos voice it brought chills to me..