Monday, March 29, 2010

Ahhhh new moms to be...

So you hear a lot of very interesting things at the ob/gyn. People talk in the waiting room there about things you'd seriously never imagine people discussing in public, lol. Which is whatever, I certainly don't give a shit what people are talking about, and, sometimes, I get to listen to something quasi entertaining while I'm waiting.

Well, today, as I'm waiting, in walk these two girls. They sit a few seats away from me, and start gossiping about normal, everyday stuff that you blather to your friends about. Work, school, all that. From the conversation, I glean that girl #1 is newly pregnant - which is ok-ish with her because she just got engaged anyways and it's her last semester at school.

Allow a segue for a moment here. Both girls are very put together - dressed in skinny jeans with heels, the preggo has a very cute silk shirt with a jacket and scarf, perfectly done nails, amazing hair and makeup. Her friend is dressed slightly more casually, but still looks quite chic. They're both very tanned. They're thin, but not athletic looking, if that makes sense. (I assure you, this will all matter in a moment.)


So, there are patients going in and out, I'm reading a book and half listening to those two gossip, when an obviously new mom comes in. She's got her newborn in an infant carrier, she's frazzled-looking, hair in a ponytail, no makeup, jeans and a t-shirt. Her baby is crying, and she has a small spot on her shoulder where you can tell that, at one point, her baby spit up a little. She's obviously tried to clean it up, but as anyone who has attempted to clean baby puke without actually just washing the shirt (and even sometimes with that,) it's not the easiest thing to do.

So the pregnant girl by me lowers her voice and goes, "Oh my gawd, I am *so* not going to be the mom who lets herself go. Ugh, just look at that woman. She looks terrible." And she and her friend go into this conversation about how moms like that are totally lazy and look at Heidi Klum, who was back in the VS shows like instantly and they would NEVER be caught dead looking like that in public. EVER. It's a travesty.

And I'm sitting there, trying my hardest not to laugh my ass off.

You see, I have never - NEVER - known a new mom who didn't look frazzled and a little less groomed with a newborn. Ever. You know why? Because newborns are a fuckload of work, that's why. I mean, they're adorable, and you love them, but there are days that it's all you can do to take a damn shower, much less spend an hour in hair and makeup. And at four weeks postpartum (when my ob schedules your post baby checkup,) most new moms think "skinny jeans" are the prebaby jeans that you can zip but not yet button. Sure, there are exceptions. But by far, with a newborn, you do have a minute of "letting yourself go." Shit happens. You regain yourself, usually right around the time your kid sleeps through the night (or at a 4-6 hour stretch, at least.) While you're getting negative sleep, though, I assure you, that becomes WAY more seductive than any other activity you can imagine when you have a free moment.

Also, I'd hate to tell preggo, but when your hair starts falling out all over the place, putting it in a ponytail seems like an amazing option so it doesn't wind up, say, wrapped around your kid's toe. When you're going through the insane paranoid period of new motherhood, wearing heels seems like tempting fate to make you drop your kid directly on their head. When your baby pukes or poops on you, you'd much rather it be on that $3.00 cotton thing you bought at Target on sale and not the $50.00 silk shirt that has to be dry cleaned. And those dangly earrings get retired until they become something other than "a way for your baby to yank your earlobe off."

So when the girl got called in, and she and her friend walked past the new mom, giving her half pitying, half disdainful looks, I actually *did* laugh out loud. And when the new mom looked at me like I was slightly crazy, I said, "Oh, that one has a very steep learning curve." And she smiled in a way that teetered between agreeing and wondering if I was mentally unbalanced.

And I went back to reading about Dexter. All in all, a good time.


Summer said...

Those moments are special, lol.

I remember one appointment where Drew and I were sitting waiting for the appointment, and there was a sixteen year old girl with her boyfriend in the waiting room with us. They both looked very born in a small town, gonna stay in a small town. I felt bad judging that way because I realized that he did in fact seem very into her and the whole baby on the way deal, and he was enthusiastic about the appointment and being a part of it all. So even though it was a bit of a cliche, it was sort of hopeful all things considered.

That is of course until three police men burst into the waiting room and arrested the guy *right effing there*. Like, there were people taking pictures that ended up in the paper man.

Turns out, doting boyfriend was actually wellllll above age and had knocked up this gal that was technically fifteen at the time of conception, and her parents had restraining orders against him, and he had drug arrests and so on.

Was a dream reading about it in the paper later and seeing a tiny little me in the background, jaw on the floor.

We saved it and put it in Lola's baby book.

Sara said...

lol I love that you said that. You are a bit of both, though. :D I don't have any fun stories about the ob/gyn office.