Imagine that you are the mother of a 15 month old.
Not a stretch for many of the people I know.
Now imagine that you have fallen on awfully hard times.
Again, not a stretch for some of you.
Imagine that you have lost your home. You and your child are without shelter, without work, scared, alone. You have left an abusive partner.
So you suck up your pride. After all, you have a child to think of. A child that you love, a child that deserves the best. And even though things are pretty grim, you have to take care of your baby. That's the important thing. It would be for me, at least, and I imagine for every parent out there. Your kid comes first. So you go to a shelter. You go there because it is your last hope. Because you dream of a better life, but you seriously need help now.
And so you go there. And you try to comply with what they say to do. But they tell you you have to wean your baby. And your baby is probably a little freaked out by the change - toddlers don't handle them well, after all - and weaning is stressful. Stressful to the baby. Stressful to you. So you refuse. Because, really, it's BREASTMILK. Nursing is recommended by the World Health Organization until at least age two - the average world weaning age is three to four. Even your country's top physicians recommend it. And, being in a group home situation, what is better for your baby than immune protection tailored to her environment? After all, it's not like you have tons of money to go ahead and get medical care.
It is with this reasoning that you politely refuse to wean.
And with that, you are plunged into a nightmare.
Your daughter, your sweet, 15 month old child who knows no other care provider and has not been separated from you, is ripped away. You are kicked out of the home while your child is kept from you. Your breasts swell, used to being relieved by nursing. Your child is presumably a wreck - kiddos don't do well removed from a loving caregiver. You are a wreck. SOMEONE HAS TAKEN YOUR CHILD. You were not given the chance to say goodbye or to plead your case.
Now imagine that in the past 14 days, you have seen your precious child for 2 hours total. Imagine how you explain to your baby why she is with someone else. Imagine how you feel when she is taken away again after a short visit. Imagine being a fit parent, whose only crime was being poor. Now tell me how you feel. Tell me if this is ok.
Yet this is the exact scenario faced by a young mother in Spain. I am ashamed, today, to admit my Spanish decent. I am ashamed that the country of my ancestors is allowing something so cruel and tragic and anti-family. Anti-child. Anti-mother.
If you are human, you cannot help but think that this is horrible. If you are a parent, you cannot help but feel for this mother. If you have ever been economically disadvantaged, you know how powerless you already feel and how terrible this is.
If you have a heart, it is breaking for Habiba.
Please, please, please my friends. Please sign this petition to help this mom get her child back. Please help reunite this family. Please take a stand for basic human rights.
(If you are having a hard time on the site, since the actual signing part is in Spanish: nombre=first name. Apellido = last name. Tu correo-e = e-mail address. Cód. Postal = zip code. Click the little box to accept the terms and then click Firma la peticion.)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Another Childbirth Blog
I hopped on the treadmill yesterday at work. Typically, if I have 15 minutes to do this, I catch up on breastfeeding stuff or listen to a breastfeeding podcast so that I don't feel like a giant slacker, but yesterday my podcast wouldn't work. So I grabbed an old issue of Self magazine. And I found this article. For those of you who don't want to read it (but you should, it's good), it examines childbirth, mostly from the perspective of the author, who had a very traumatic birth experience. As I was reading it, I came across this quote:
"By now, one movie, two books, four doulas and approximately 15 mothers had told me that my traumatic birth was my fault, the problems all stemming from my not believing in my body...Would we ever tell someone whose liver has failed that it was because she didn't believe in it?"
THAT. That is the problem with labor and delivery and birth and judgment. Right there.
I mean, just take a look at some of the comments with this online version:
"I'm so disappointed in this article. The author is ignorant and ill-prepared to write on such an issue."
"she is not to blame for her traumatic birth (which to me sounds like every recount of any hospital birth I have ever heard) because she didn't trust her body but because she was VERY uneducated about the whole process. You researched this article more than you researched your birth (and that's not saying much) and you were unprepared and surprised throughout the whole process."
"Women just need to be more assertive with doctors and not let them scare you into the worst possible scenario. Just tell yourself, whose gonna deliver your baby after the apocalypse, its gonna be you and your mate. Be strong ladies and take back your bodies from doctors and the government."
If you don't get the birth you wanted or planned, it shouldn't be your fault. No one else should get to cast judgment on you for it not working out. That's bullshit, right there. I am SO INCREDIBLY SICK of the judgment that comes along with birthing a baby. My friend Summer has told me, several times, that she didn't feel badly about having a c-section at all - until the natural birth advocates made her feel like shit over it by telling her how it was all her fault. If you're reading this and you're one of those people, please note: you are not helping "the cause." You are, in fact, sounding like a huge tool and everyone but your equally judgy peers secretly dreams of punching you out. Fact. (This isn't the people who gently try to inform people that they should educate themselves, btw - it's the community that goes, "Well, if you hadn't done a,b,c, it would have worked out." YOU HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT SO SHUT UP.)
Should women be empowered and strong and educated? Oh, absolutely. But when you're having waves of contractions and in pain, it's NOT always easy to stand up for yourself, and all the damn research and reading and interviewing and doulas in the world may not help that. Instead of taking about how terrible women are, and how uneducated and untrusting of our bodies we are, why don't we point that finger right back at the practitioners who are taking advantage of this to push women into things they don't want? Why aren't birth advocates asking to speak at med schools, or talking to obs? In rape, if we blame the victim, it's terrible and shameful. In birth, if we do, it's normal. That has GOT to change. Birth is in a terrible state in the US, but we can't fix it by telling every woman how dumb she is.
Sometimes, I hear people advocate this whole idea of how every woman should labor at home with a midwife and everything would be amazing. Utopian but not at all feasible. Not everyone can do that, and, more, not everyone wants that. When I attended doula training, I remember the instructor talking about how, at her first meeting with patients, she had them sketch an ideal birth. Like, if money, and location and even reality weren't barriers, where would they feel most comfortable birthing? She had people draw clouds, and fields, and big giant tubs and plush beds. One woman drew a hospital. She told her that the idea of birthing anywhere else quite frankly terrified her. She had known her doctor all her life; family and friends staffed the hospital; she was confident and happy there. That was her happy place. She went in dilated to a 1 and did, in fact, have a drug free all natural vaginal delivery within 24 hours.
I'm gonna end this blog here, but I do want to leave it with one more quote from the article, from the author of my very favorite pregnancy/birth book:
"I don't understand this phrase 'take back your birth,'" nurse-midwife Pam England, creator of Birthing From Within, a popular book and series of childbirth preparation classes, tells me. "Who took it? What would a woman tell herself it meant about her if she failed to meet the criteria she made up for 'taking back' her birth? I am concerned that this phrase, meant to generate action and a feeling of empowerment, may actually be generated by or feeding the victim part of her."
"By now, one movie, two books, four doulas and approximately 15 mothers had told me that my traumatic birth was my fault, the problems all stemming from my not believing in my body...Would we ever tell someone whose liver has failed that it was because she didn't believe in it?"
THAT. That is the problem with labor and delivery and birth and judgment. Right there.
I mean, just take a look at some of the comments with this online version:
"I'm so disappointed in this article. The author is ignorant and ill-prepared to write on such an issue."
"she is not to blame for her traumatic birth (which to me sounds like every recount of any hospital birth I have ever heard) because she didn't trust her body but because she was VERY uneducated about the whole process. You researched this article more than you researched your birth (and that's not saying much) and you were unprepared and surprised throughout the whole process."
"Women just need to be more assertive with doctors and not let them scare you into the worst possible scenario. Just tell yourself, whose gonna deliver your baby after the apocalypse, its gonna be you and your mate. Be strong ladies and take back your bodies from doctors and the government."
If you don't get the birth you wanted or planned, it shouldn't be your fault. No one else should get to cast judgment on you for it not working out. That's bullshit, right there. I am SO INCREDIBLY SICK of the judgment that comes along with birthing a baby. My friend Summer has told me, several times, that she didn't feel badly about having a c-section at all - until the natural birth advocates made her feel like shit over it by telling her how it was all her fault. If you're reading this and you're one of those people, please note: you are not helping "the cause." You are, in fact, sounding like a huge tool and everyone but your equally judgy peers secretly dreams of punching you out. Fact. (This isn't the people who gently try to inform people that they should educate themselves, btw - it's the community that goes, "Well, if you hadn't done a,b,c, it would have worked out." YOU HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT SO SHUT UP.)
Should women be empowered and strong and educated? Oh, absolutely. But when you're having waves of contractions and in pain, it's NOT always easy to stand up for yourself, and all the damn research and reading and interviewing and doulas in the world may not help that. Instead of taking about how terrible women are, and how uneducated and untrusting of our bodies we are, why don't we point that finger right back at the practitioners who are taking advantage of this to push women into things they don't want? Why aren't birth advocates asking to speak at med schools, or talking to obs? In rape, if we blame the victim, it's terrible and shameful. In birth, if we do, it's normal. That has GOT to change. Birth is in a terrible state in the US, but we can't fix it by telling every woman how dumb she is.
Sometimes, I hear people advocate this whole idea of how every woman should labor at home with a midwife and everything would be amazing. Utopian but not at all feasible. Not everyone can do that, and, more, not everyone wants that. When I attended doula training, I remember the instructor talking about how, at her first meeting with patients, she had them sketch an ideal birth. Like, if money, and location and even reality weren't barriers, where would they feel most comfortable birthing? She had people draw clouds, and fields, and big giant tubs and plush beds. One woman drew a hospital. She told her that the idea of birthing anywhere else quite frankly terrified her. She had known her doctor all her life; family and friends staffed the hospital; she was confident and happy there. That was her happy place. She went in dilated to a 1 and did, in fact, have a drug free all natural vaginal delivery within 24 hours.
I'm gonna end this blog here, but I do want to leave it with one more quote from the article, from the author of my very favorite pregnancy/birth book:
"I don't understand this phrase 'take back your birth,'" nurse-midwife Pam England, creator of Birthing From Within, a popular book and series of childbirth preparation classes, tells me. "Who took it? What would a woman tell herself it meant about her if she failed to meet the criteria she made up for 'taking back' her birth? I am concerned that this phrase, meant to generate action and a feeling of empowerment, may actually be generated by or feeding the victim part of her."
Thursday, June 2, 2011
"It's just easy for you"
So, after 12 1/2 months, I am back down to my pre-pregnancy size.
As many of you know, I struggled with my weight my entire life. I was, after I had Rhiannon, 310 pounds. I lost 170ish pounds, then got knocked up again and gained 70ish back.
Let's do a brief, picture laden recap of Star throughout her weight loss journey here:
Me, not too long before I got preggo with Rhi. About 280 lbs:
Me, pregnant with Rhi. 300+ lbs:
Me, 2 years after having Rhi. 135 lbs (my lowest weight ever - it fluctuated a lot from 135 - 140):
Me, pregnant with Keira. 200 lbs:
Me, probably 1 1/2 months post Keira. I'd say 175/180 lbs:
Me, this weekend. 140 lbs. I consider this pre-pregnancy because this was my typical weight. 135 was the low end of normal for me. I was generally 138-140 lbs:
My boobs are bigger now, but I can totally rock out those jeans in the blonde, skinny Star picture.
Anyways, I was talking to a friend the other day, who REALLY wants to lose weight, and I was explaining how I did it, and encouraging her (more on how I did it in a minute) and she said, "But I'm not like you. It's just easy for you."
Let me break this down for you really quick.
I am the girl with the biggest sweet tooth on the planet. I have two friends on Facebook who regularly talk about food they are making, and I regularly implore them to bring me some. I also LOVE bread. And pasta. And fries. So much. On 25 out of 30 days of every month, I would cut someone for a Cold Stone Birthday Cake Remix. I can sit down with one of those loaves of specialty bread and eat at least three quarters of it in a sitting. And I have asthma, which flares with cardio exercise (which I don't particularly love anyways.)
Yet I lost 170 pounds the first time and 70 this time.
It. Was. NOT. Easy.
The first time around, I did Weight Watchers, which helped me learn better eating habits (which fell to the wayside when I was pregnant.) The second time, I briefly flirted with Weight Watchers again before just charting on My Fitness Pal. Both times, I forced myself to find the time and the energy to work out. For me, this has to be in a gym. I am incapable of staying on track at home - I get easily distracted, I pause things, I walk off, I come back, I check Facebook, I talk to Shane, I stop to watch Modern Family, the kids distract me... I do 20-30 minutes of cardio (usually treadmill and stairmaster, this go around, but treadmill and elliptical before) and then I do strength training. This is important, because if you don't tone after losing a lot of weight, you get flabby. I like strength training more than cardio, for sure. I spend 30-40 minutes here. I do this 4x a week.
As far as eating, I eat around 1300 calories a day. I am still nursing and I am not having any issues producing milk here; however, I would caution nursing moms to cut calories a little at a time. It probably isn't an issue to lose weight while nursing, but most sources will say that especially in the first year you should be no lower than 1500. And if you're eating 2600 a day now, you need to taper that down gradually so you don't kill someone. I eat a lot of greek yogurt, fruits, veggies, and poultry. Turkey and chicken primarily. I have discovered a love of salads (as long as they have plenty of tasty stuff in them.) Our house gets everything whole - whole wheat and whole grains.
I also splurge and eat crap sometimes. I had a shake and brats on Memorial Day. Because that's what I wanted, damn it. You can't cut out what you love. You just have to eat it less.
And there are a lot of healthier variations on the things you love too. The whole wheat pasta is a good example. I've also made tortilla and english muffin pizzas. I've substituted Red Mango for ice cream and yogurt for sour cream. I cut out soda almost completely and now I don't find I want it very much. It's amazing how your tastes actually change to embrace the healthiness if you stick with it.
If you are trying or wanting to try to lose weight, I urge you to go for it. Don't say you can't, don't make excuses, and don't expect it all to fall off instantly. It takes time. But it's so worth it. And if you have any questions, I will happily answer them. And if you do My Fitness Pal, add me - I'm starrod - so I can cheer you on.
As many of you know, I struggled with my weight my entire life. I was, after I had Rhiannon, 310 pounds. I lost 170ish pounds, then got knocked up again and gained 70ish back.
Let's do a brief, picture laden recap of Star throughout her weight loss journey here:
Me, not too long before I got preggo with Rhi. About 280 lbs:
Me, pregnant with Rhi. 300+ lbs:
Me, 2 years after having Rhi. 135 lbs (my lowest weight ever - it fluctuated a lot from 135 - 140):
Me, pregnant with Keira. 200 lbs:
Me, probably 1 1/2 months post Keira. I'd say 175/180 lbs:
Me, this weekend. 140 lbs. I consider this pre-pregnancy because this was my typical weight. 135 was the low end of normal for me. I was generally 138-140 lbs:
My boobs are bigger now, but I can totally rock out those jeans in the blonde, skinny Star picture.
Anyways, I was talking to a friend the other day, who REALLY wants to lose weight, and I was explaining how I did it, and encouraging her (more on how I did it in a minute) and she said, "But I'm not like you. It's just easy for you."
Let me break this down for you really quick.
I am the girl with the biggest sweet tooth on the planet. I have two friends on Facebook who regularly talk about food they are making, and I regularly implore them to bring me some. I also LOVE bread. And pasta. And fries. So much. On 25 out of 30 days of every month, I would cut someone for a Cold Stone Birthday Cake Remix. I can sit down with one of those loaves of specialty bread and eat at least three quarters of it in a sitting. And I have asthma, which flares with cardio exercise (which I don't particularly love anyways.)
Yet I lost 170 pounds the first time and 70 this time.
It. Was. NOT. Easy.
The first time around, I did Weight Watchers, which helped me learn better eating habits (which fell to the wayside when I was pregnant.) The second time, I briefly flirted with Weight Watchers again before just charting on My Fitness Pal. Both times, I forced myself to find the time and the energy to work out. For me, this has to be in a gym. I am incapable of staying on track at home - I get easily distracted, I pause things, I walk off, I come back, I check Facebook, I talk to Shane, I stop to watch Modern Family, the kids distract me... I do 20-30 minutes of cardio (usually treadmill and stairmaster, this go around, but treadmill and elliptical before) and then I do strength training. This is important, because if you don't tone after losing a lot of weight, you get flabby. I like strength training more than cardio, for sure. I spend 30-40 minutes here. I do this 4x a week.
As far as eating, I eat around 1300 calories a day. I am still nursing and I am not having any issues producing milk here; however, I would caution nursing moms to cut calories a little at a time. It probably isn't an issue to lose weight while nursing, but most sources will say that especially in the first year you should be no lower than 1500. And if you're eating 2600 a day now, you need to taper that down gradually so you don't kill someone. I eat a lot of greek yogurt, fruits, veggies, and poultry. Turkey and chicken primarily. I have discovered a love of salads (as long as they have plenty of tasty stuff in them.) Our house gets everything whole - whole wheat and whole grains.
I also splurge and eat crap sometimes. I had a shake and brats on Memorial Day. Because that's what I wanted, damn it. You can't cut out what you love. You just have to eat it less.
And there are a lot of healthier variations on the things you love too. The whole wheat pasta is a good example. I've also made tortilla and english muffin pizzas. I've substituted Red Mango for ice cream and yogurt for sour cream. I cut out soda almost completely and now I don't find I want it very much. It's amazing how your tastes actually change to embrace the healthiness if you stick with it.
If you are trying or wanting to try to lose weight, I urge you to go for it. Don't say you can't, don't make excuses, and don't expect it all to fall off instantly. It takes time. But it's so worth it. And if you have any questions, I will happily answer them. And if you do My Fitness Pal, add me - I'm starrod - so I can cheer you on.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Conversations with a Formula Company
So today I was at a conference. Our booth was to promote breastfeeding, of course. We were right next to someone representing Abbott Labs. Abbott, as you may know, makes Similac.
At first, I was actually very impressed. The newest "breastfeeding bag" was displayed. For those of you who don't know, when you have a baby, and you are discharged from the hospital, you get a lovely bag from a formula company. If you are formula feeding, you get one bag; if you're breastfeeding, you get another.
The breastfeeding bag promotes breastfeeding and is full of helpful, beneficial breastfeeding stuff, right? Um, no. Traditionally, they have a supply of formula, coupons for formula, a breastfeeding guide and some breastmilk storage bags that you can use for formula when the formula you're given totally sabotages your supply.
So I was THRILLED to see that the new bag on display had NO FORMULA in it.
"Is that what you guys are giving out?" I asked the guy behind the table.
"Um, yeah. I think. I don't really handle the hospital part."
"But...it doesn't have formula! That's like ethical."
He looked at me in utter confusion at that. Poor man. Anyways, he said, "Well, I think we're moving away from promoting in the hospitals so much." (italics mine. He didn't say that all weirdly.)
I. Was. So. Excited. As some of you know, "breastmilk bags" are the bane of the lactation consultant's existence. They contain just enough formula, as I said, to sabotage a new mom's supply. And they sit there in your cupboards, seductively calling you in the early days when you're tired and confused and unsure of yourself. And maybe it's overnight and you're scared, and not sure who to call of even if you can call anyone. So you use it. And since formula is a heavier meal (like Thanksgiving vs. a normal meal) it sits on your baby's tummy longer. So you go longer between feedings. That must mean that you didn't have enough milk, right? So you replace a couple more feedings. Before you know it, KABLAM! You have a crappy supply and you totally doubt your body. Then you're a Similac Strong Mom and they can get literally hundreds to thousands of dollars from you.
Anyways.
So the guy tells me, "Hey, hang on - I'll get the guy who handles the hospital stuff to answer your question."
He walks away, and I look at the bag. It has Kleenex, wipes, 10 newborn diapers, and a toy. Awesome!
The Similac rep comes up, introduces himself, and asks me what questions I have. I say, "These are your new bags?" I gesture to it.
"Oh yeah," says he.
"There's not formula in them?!?"
He here looks sheepish. "Well...they do. But there's only a two day supply, and we're really promoting breastfeeding. And I know that they say that the sample might mess up breastfeeding, but we're really not trying to do that here." He pulls out the actual bag from under the table and invites me to take a look.
It was labeled "breastfeeding" and contained: formula, the bag, coupons for diapers, a cooler bag, "breastmilk" storage bags, a sample of wipes, and information on breastfeeding.
I looked at the breastfeeding information, because I honestly wanted to see what it was like.
There were 2 pamphlets on infant feeding.
The good:
There was legitimately good information on bottlefeeding a baby. Since most people, even breastfeeding moms, eventually use a bottle, I find it HIGHLY important to know how to bottlefeed. We all have this idea about holding the baby prone and holding a bottle upside down in their mouth, but that's a terrible way to feed. You should hold your baby semi-upright and not just pour the milk down the baby's throat. And that was essentially what the pamphlet said.
There was some decent breastfeeding information. It correctly said that your baby should be pooping 3x a day by 3 days and had a decent diaper diary in there that accurately showed breastmilk poops. There was also a graphic showing that a newborn's tummy is the size of a marble and a ping pong ball on day 3. This is true, and important to know.
The bad:
Um, everything else? Lol.
First was the chart of how often to breastfeed. Here it is:
I tell people that they will be feeding their babies 8-12 times a day in the beginning. That is what you do. Babies have tiny tummies and breastmilk is the perfect food, so it is digested quickly. New babies nurse every 60-90 minutes on average. But make a mom think she's nursing more than the average, and, whoa. Well, you have a starving baby! You're not doing it right! Just c'mon and use formula. Clearly your anatomy can't make superior product properly.
Also, remember the tummy sizes we talked about? The marble and ping pong ball? The ones Similac even mentions?
You try to pour 2-3 ounces of liquid in a marble or ping pong ball and tell me how that works for you. Hint: not well. Yet, we're so shocked that kids overeat and are fat. Not at all something we're forcing on them or anything. Even if you are formula feeding, you should NOT be giving your new baby 2 ounces at a time.
Another fun gem was the "how to tell that your baby is getting enough" section. Did you know that your baby should sleep for 2 hours straight after every feeding? Let's not at all take into account the very high percentage of babies who sometimes like to nurse one side, take a fifteen or twenty minute nap, and nurse the next. Nope, they shouldn't be doing this common newborn behavior. There must be something wrong!
And then I came to the hotline. Similac's "feeding experts," billed as lactation consultants.
"Are these lactation consultants IBCLC?" I asked. Full disclosure: I knew they couldn't be. The Code of Ethics for IBCLCs says they cannot work for formula companies.
"Oh yeah."
I kept looking at the pamphlet, but I must have tipped him off in some way that I thought that that was utter bs, because he then said, "Well, Similac contracts with LifeCare and they provide certified lactation consultants that receive similar training to IBCLCs."
(The full story is that the IBCLCs that worked for LifeCare, who *does* provide legitimate breastfeeding support, said that they would absolutely NOT be working for Similac's line, so other people were given an 80 hour training course and set loose "helping" moms. IBCLCs, to even be allowed to test this year, must have 45 hours of lactation specific education and 1000 hours of breastfeeding contact hours. That doesn't even count the numerous hours of studying someone has to do to pass the IBLCE exam. So, yeah - not even close to comparable to 80 hour online courses. Also, lactation professionals have called that line and reported that the advice in incomplete or downright wrong.)
*Sigh*
To wrap this up, I want to say that I am not anti-formula. When I needed it, I was thrilled it existed, and I've even used Similac in the past. I don't think Similac is the most unethical formula company (Nestle takes the cake there.) But I am very disappointed at the bait and switch on their table. While I don't love formula companies giving out bags, if they didn't have samples in them, I would see that as a step in the right direction. And, let's face it, Similac - you've had some godawful press recently (bug recall, the aforementioned hotline issues and the disastrous phone app.) Might be nice to do something that didn't suck, huh?
At first, I was actually very impressed. The newest "breastfeeding bag" was displayed. For those of you who don't know, when you have a baby, and you are discharged from the hospital, you get a lovely bag from a formula company. If you are formula feeding, you get one bag; if you're breastfeeding, you get another.
The breastfeeding bag promotes breastfeeding and is full of helpful, beneficial breastfeeding stuff, right? Um, no. Traditionally, they have a supply of formula, coupons for formula, a breastfeeding guide and some breastmilk storage bags that you can use for formula when the formula you're given totally sabotages your supply.
So I was THRILLED to see that the new bag on display had NO FORMULA in it.
"Is that what you guys are giving out?" I asked the guy behind the table.
"Um, yeah. I think. I don't really handle the hospital part."
"But...it doesn't have formula! That's like ethical."
He looked at me in utter confusion at that. Poor man. Anyways, he said, "Well, I think we're moving away from promoting in the hospitals so much." (italics mine. He didn't say that all weirdly.)
I. Was. So. Excited. As some of you know, "breastmilk bags" are the bane of the lactation consultant's existence. They contain just enough formula, as I said, to sabotage a new mom's supply. And they sit there in your cupboards, seductively calling you in the early days when you're tired and confused and unsure of yourself. And maybe it's overnight and you're scared, and not sure who to call of even if you can call anyone. So you use it. And since formula is a heavier meal (like Thanksgiving vs. a normal meal) it sits on your baby's tummy longer. So you go longer between feedings. That must mean that you didn't have enough milk, right? So you replace a couple more feedings. Before you know it, KABLAM! You have a crappy supply and you totally doubt your body. Then you're a Similac Strong Mom and they can get literally hundreds to thousands of dollars from you.
Anyways.
So the guy tells me, "Hey, hang on - I'll get the guy who handles the hospital stuff to answer your question."
He walks away, and I look at the bag. It has Kleenex, wipes, 10 newborn diapers, and a toy. Awesome!
The Similac rep comes up, introduces himself, and asks me what questions I have. I say, "These are your new bags?" I gesture to it.
"Oh yeah," says he.
"There's not formula in them?!?"
He here looks sheepish. "Well...they do. But there's only a two day supply, and we're really promoting breastfeeding. And I know that they say that the sample might mess up breastfeeding, but we're really not trying to do that here." He pulls out the actual bag from under the table and invites me to take a look.
It was labeled "breastfeeding" and contained: formula, the bag, coupons for diapers, a cooler bag, "breastmilk" storage bags, a sample of wipes, and information on breastfeeding.
I looked at the breastfeeding information, because I honestly wanted to see what it was like.
There were 2 pamphlets on infant feeding.
The good:
There was legitimately good information on bottlefeeding a baby. Since most people, even breastfeeding moms, eventually use a bottle, I find it HIGHLY important to know how to bottlefeed. We all have this idea about holding the baby prone and holding a bottle upside down in their mouth, but that's a terrible way to feed. You should hold your baby semi-upright and not just pour the milk down the baby's throat. And that was essentially what the pamphlet said.
There was some decent breastfeeding information. It correctly said that your baby should be pooping 3x a day by 3 days and had a decent diaper diary in there that accurately showed breastmilk poops. There was also a graphic showing that a newborn's tummy is the size of a marble and a ping pong ball on day 3. This is true, and important to know.
The bad:
Um, everything else? Lol.
First was the chart of how often to breastfeed. Here it is:
I tell people that they will be feeding their babies 8-12 times a day in the beginning. That is what you do. Babies have tiny tummies and breastmilk is the perfect food, so it is digested quickly. New babies nurse every 60-90 minutes on average. But make a mom think she's nursing more than the average, and, whoa. Well, you have a starving baby! You're not doing it right! Just c'mon and use formula. Clearly your anatomy can't make superior product properly.
Also, remember the tummy sizes we talked about? The marble and ping pong ball? The ones Similac even mentions?
You try to pour 2-3 ounces of liquid in a marble or ping pong ball and tell me how that works for you. Hint: not well. Yet, we're so shocked that kids overeat and are fat. Not at all something we're forcing on them or anything. Even if you are formula feeding, you should NOT be giving your new baby 2 ounces at a time.
Another fun gem was the "how to tell that your baby is getting enough" section. Did you know that your baby should sleep for 2 hours straight after every feeding? Let's not at all take into account the very high percentage of babies who sometimes like to nurse one side, take a fifteen or twenty minute nap, and nurse the next. Nope, they shouldn't be doing this common newborn behavior. There must be something wrong!
And then I came to the hotline. Similac's "feeding experts," billed as lactation consultants.
"Are these lactation consultants IBCLC?" I asked. Full disclosure: I knew they couldn't be. The Code of Ethics for IBCLCs says they cannot work for formula companies.
"Oh yeah."
I kept looking at the pamphlet, but I must have tipped him off in some way that I thought that that was utter bs, because he then said, "Well, Similac contracts with LifeCare and they provide certified lactation consultants that receive similar training to IBCLCs."
(The full story is that the IBCLCs that worked for LifeCare, who *does* provide legitimate breastfeeding support, said that they would absolutely NOT be working for Similac's line, so other people were given an 80 hour training course and set loose "helping" moms. IBCLCs, to even be allowed to test this year, must have 45 hours of lactation specific education and 1000 hours of breastfeeding contact hours. That doesn't even count the numerous hours of studying someone has to do to pass the IBLCE exam. So, yeah - not even close to comparable to 80 hour online courses. Also, lactation professionals have called that line and reported that the advice in incomplete or downright wrong.)
*Sigh*
To wrap this up, I want to say that I am not anti-formula. When I needed it, I was thrilled it existed, and I've even used Similac in the past. I don't think Similac is the most unethical formula company (Nestle takes the cake there.) But I am very disappointed at the bait and switch on their table. While I don't love formula companies giving out bags, if they didn't have samples in them, I would see that as a step in the right direction. And, let's face it, Similac - you've had some godawful press recently (bug recall, the aforementioned hotline issues and the disastrous phone app.) Might be nice to do something that didn't suck, huh?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monogamy
Monogamy is hard.
I regularly kid around that I couldn't be a polygamist because I couldn't handle more than one relationship at a time, and that's not totally fictitious. Relationships are difficult. It's much easier, in some ways, to do whatever you want to do and not have to run that by anyone else ever. And I say this from within a relationship where my significant other truly doesn't care if I want to go out with my friends or randomly go shopping and doesn't fine tooth comb what I spend or where I spend it or whatever. But there are still things I have to clear with him, because he's the other half of the family decision making unit. I can't, say, decide I want to move tomorrow and just go do it.
And attraction. Listen, if you tell me you've never been attracted to anyone else ever while in a relationship, I will call you a liar to your face. Because you have been. It happens. There's a lot of good looking people out there, and certainly some of them do it for you. It's fine. It's not criminal or wrong, it's human nature.
Since my early twenties, my view on cheating has changed significantly. While I absolutely think that if you are in a serious monogamous relationship you should keep it in your pants or get out of the relationship (if it's that big of a deal to you,) I'm not all that concerned about cheating, at least physically. Do I want it to happen in my relationship? God no. Would I be super upset if Shane cheated on me? Of course. Would I forgive him? Quite possibly. If he was, like, conducting a huge love affair with another woman and wanting to actively leave me to be with her, that would be harder and I truly don't know that I could get past that. However, if he just allowed attraction to happen and it was a mistake, well, that's a little more understandable. We could, with time and effort, work through that, probably. I wouldn't necessarily see that as being worth destroying our entire life. Unless I was already unhappy in the relationship, because then I would see it as time to move on.
Honestly, if he ever had a one night thing with someone, and it involved protection and wasn't going to happen ever again, I wouldn't want to know. I think a lot of people tell their significant others about events like that out of their OWN guilt, not out of any interest in full disclosure. And what does it do? Just causes hurt and pain. If it's done and there's no pregnancy risk or risk of disease, just shut up about it!
But you know what you don't do?
You don't knock somebody up and then lie about it for ten years like Arnold Schwarzenegger. You don't wait until you fulfill your selfish ambitions to blow two families apart. Two families, because the person he had a kid with was married too and just pretended that that kid was her husband's. That's just fucked up. That's the situation where you come clean, and you apologize your ass off and you deal with the fucking fall out, whatever it may be. Because you've just put a new person on Earth, and they haven't done anything wrong. They deserve honesty THEN, not ten years later. They deserve to not have their preteen life become a media circus. Ten is awful anyways, because it starts the liking of the opposite sex and the ugly phase of puberty and all that. Doing it while Perez Hilton blogs about you is probably a fucking nightmare.
Fail, Arnold. Just fail.
I regularly kid around that I couldn't be a polygamist because I couldn't handle more than one relationship at a time, and that's not totally fictitious. Relationships are difficult. It's much easier, in some ways, to do whatever you want to do and not have to run that by anyone else ever. And I say this from within a relationship where my significant other truly doesn't care if I want to go out with my friends or randomly go shopping and doesn't fine tooth comb what I spend or where I spend it or whatever. But there are still things I have to clear with him, because he's the other half of the family decision making unit. I can't, say, decide I want to move tomorrow and just go do it.
And attraction. Listen, if you tell me you've never been attracted to anyone else ever while in a relationship, I will call you a liar to your face. Because you have been. It happens. There's a lot of good looking people out there, and certainly some of them do it for you. It's fine. It's not criminal or wrong, it's human nature.
Since my early twenties, my view on cheating has changed significantly. While I absolutely think that if you are in a serious monogamous relationship you should keep it in your pants or get out of the relationship (if it's that big of a deal to you,) I'm not all that concerned about cheating, at least physically. Do I want it to happen in my relationship? God no. Would I be super upset if Shane cheated on me? Of course. Would I forgive him? Quite possibly. If he was, like, conducting a huge love affair with another woman and wanting to actively leave me to be with her, that would be harder and I truly don't know that I could get past that. However, if he just allowed attraction to happen and it was a mistake, well, that's a little more understandable. We could, with time and effort, work through that, probably. I wouldn't necessarily see that as being worth destroying our entire life. Unless I was already unhappy in the relationship, because then I would see it as time to move on.
Honestly, if he ever had a one night thing with someone, and it involved protection and wasn't going to happen ever again, I wouldn't want to know. I think a lot of people tell their significant others about events like that out of their OWN guilt, not out of any interest in full disclosure. And what does it do? Just causes hurt and pain. If it's done and there's no pregnancy risk or risk of disease, just shut up about it!
But you know what you don't do?
You don't knock somebody up and then lie about it for ten years like Arnold Schwarzenegger. You don't wait until you fulfill your selfish ambitions to blow two families apart. Two families, because the person he had a kid with was married too and just pretended that that kid was her husband's. That's just fucked up. That's the situation where you come clean, and you apologize your ass off and you deal with the fucking fall out, whatever it may be. Because you've just put a new person on Earth, and they haven't done anything wrong. They deserve honesty THEN, not ten years later. They deserve to not have their preteen life become a media circus. Ten is awful anyways, because it starts the liking of the opposite sex and the ugly phase of puberty and all that. Doing it while Perez Hilton blogs about you is probably a fucking nightmare.
Fail, Arnold. Just fail.
Friday, May 6, 2011
The No-Poo Report: Being Crunchy for Beauty
We live in an area that appears to have the hardest water known to mankind. And this has become a problem. Clothes wear out faster. Soap doesn't come off as well. And my hair has been TERRIBLE.
Originally, we planned to get a water softener and fix the whole mess. But we're contemplating a lot of different things as far as where we will live next year, and so I'm holding off.
But my hair could not wait anymore.
Yup, that's right. I'm vain enough that I just prioritized the way my hair looks over like everything else. But, for real, guys, it's bad. It's crunchy on the ends and greasy at the top and I never feel like it's totally clean. And I hate it. I have used pretty much every shampoo/conditioner possible in an effort to make it better, and it hasn't worked worth a damn.
I have some friends who are way more into natural stuff, and for a few months, several have told me that I should "no-poo" my hair. No-poo is a very unfortunate moniker simply meaning "cut out the damn shampoo and conditioner and put baking soda and vinegar in your hair."
This, in no way, sounded like a good plan. So I blew it off. Sorry guys. Also, no-poo people tell me that it takes awhile for your hair to not disgusting upon starting no-poo. One friend helpfully told me that her hair looked like shit for a month, "but then was awesome!"
Well, I didn't want disgusting hair for a month. And, yes, I had heard "cheaper" "less toxic" and "environmentally friendly" also get mentioned as pros, but somehow they didn't overpower having terrible hair for at least a month. Which, I guess, shows you that I suck at being crunchy, lol.
But last night, my hair felt awful, and I was irked, and so I, without really thinking about it, leapt into no-poo full force, mixing up baking soda and water and working it through my hair without even saying anything to anyone.
Which led to this conversation:
Shane: "Um, what's on your hair? What are you DOING?"
Me: "It's called no-poo. You use natural stuff and it's supposed to make your hair suck less and stuff."
Shane: "No-poo?"
Me: "Yeah, dumb name, huh?"
Shane: "Does that mean your hair is constipated?"
I love that man.
Anyways, so I baking sodaed, and then I got in the shower and rinsed, then I ran apple cider vinegar and water through my hair.
First no-poo issue - OMFG, apple cider vinegar STINKS. I had to rinse my hair like 24 billion times to feel like it was cleanish and nonstinky. This can apparently be resolved by using white vinegar and mixing essential oils in it. A blog I read suggested vanilla and a stick of cinnamon to make your hair smell yummy. This I will try.
Ok, so out of the shower, de-vinegarfied, and I ran my hand through my hair, which, for once, had like minimal tangles. And felt softer than normal. My scalp felt better, too.
This morning, my hair was still surprisingly manageable and tangle free, my natural wave is more noticeable, and my color is brighter. The only downfall is that my hair is a little static-y. Soft, but static-y. Is that normal? Should I be doing something differently? I have no idea.
So I'll give no-poo (I still hate the name) awhile to work its supposed magic. We'll see. But if my hair gets all gross, I am going straight back to shampoos, no matter how toxic they are.
Originally, we planned to get a water softener and fix the whole mess. But we're contemplating a lot of different things as far as where we will live next year, and so I'm holding off.
But my hair could not wait anymore.
Yup, that's right. I'm vain enough that I just prioritized the way my hair looks over like everything else. But, for real, guys, it's bad. It's crunchy on the ends and greasy at the top and I never feel like it's totally clean. And I hate it. I have used pretty much every shampoo/conditioner possible in an effort to make it better, and it hasn't worked worth a damn.
I have some friends who are way more into natural stuff, and for a few months, several have told me that I should "no-poo" my hair. No-poo is a very unfortunate moniker simply meaning "cut out the damn shampoo and conditioner and put baking soda and vinegar in your hair."
This, in no way, sounded like a good plan. So I blew it off. Sorry guys. Also, no-poo people tell me that it takes awhile for your hair to not disgusting upon starting no-poo. One friend helpfully told me that her hair looked like shit for a month, "but then was awesome!"
Well, I didn't want disgusting hair for a month. And, yes, I had heard "cheaper" "less toxic" and "environmentally friendly" also get mentioned as pros, but somehow they didn't overpower having terrible hair for at least a month. Which, I guess, shows you that I suck at being crunchy, lol.
But last night, my hair felt awful, and I was irked, and so I, without really thinking about it, leapt into no-poo full force, mixing up baking soda and water and working it through my hair without even saying anything to anyone.
Which led to this conversation:
Shane: "Um, what's on your hair? What are you DOING?"
Me: "It's called no-poo. You use natural stuff and it's supposed to make your hair suck less and stuff."
Shane: "No-poo?"
Me: "Yeah, dumb name, huh?"
Shane: "Does that mean your hair is constipated?"
I love that man.
Anyways, so I baking sodaed, and then I got in the shower and rinsed, then I ran apple cider vinegar and water through my hair.
First no-poo issue - OMFG, apple cider vinegar STINKS. I had to rinse my hair like 24 billion times to feel like it was cleanish and nonstinky. This can apparently be resolved by using white vinegar and mixing essential oils in it. A blog I read suggested vanilla and a stick of cinnamon to make your hair smell yummy. This I will try.
Ok, so out of the shower, de-vinegarfied, and I ran my hand through my hair, which, for once, had like minimal tangles. And felt softer than normal. My scalp felt better, too.
This morning, my hair was still surprisingly manageable and tangle free, my natural wave is more noticeable, and my color is brighter. The only downfall is that my hair is a little static-y. Soft, but static-y. Is that normal? Should I be doing something differently? I have no idea.
So I'll give no-poo (I still hate the name) awhile to work its supposed magic. We'll see. But if my hair gets all gross, I am going straight back to shampoos, no matter how toxic they are.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Osama
In case you haven't heard, spoiler alert! Osama Bin Laden is dead. And I'm pleased as punch about this.
There are people who think that I shouldn't be, though.
As soon as the death of Osama was announced, my Twitter and Facebook blew the fuck up. Most people were happy. Some were skeptical. Some were bitterly talking about Obama. And some were talking about how terrible we all were.
"How can you people rejoice," one post said, "in the death of a human being?"
Let me break this down for anyone who feels that way.
Osama Bin Laden wasn't your average Joe walking down the street. He wasn't even your average murderer. He was the founder of Al Qaeda. Al Qaeda, as you may or may not remember, has claimed responsibility for the deaths of thousands. It wasn't like they just existed with 9/11. They've done much, much more.
It's not like Osama was a poor, sad, downtrodden man, either. He was a wealthy, college educated man. He didn't have a terrible life that somehow could excuse his vileness and hatred (although, really, it couldn't. Sorry.)
He had advantages and prosperity, and he allowed hatred to twist him into an evil person who longed for the death of others. I may use the word hate sometimes or say things like, "OMG, traffic should DIE IN A FIRE" but I've never actually, really hoped for the death or anyone. And I doubt you have either. Osama did though. He hated you. Yup, you. He wanted you dead. Along with anyone else reading this blog who isn't a total extremist. You have kids? He thought they were a blight on the Earth and wanted them dead too. Picture your child as a brand new baby; sweet, innocent, perfect. Osama would have happily murdered your child at that point. Why? Because your child was born in a society that he didn't approve of.
As far as "he's just a figurehead" this is kind of true. He was a figurehead and most of the stuff carried out in his name was not committed by him. But people who blow off his death as unimportant miss something important. PEOPLE FOLLOW FIGUREHEADS. Hitler didn't kill everyone who died under his hand, but he was a figurehead who used his power to inspire people to cause the death of others. And it wasn't soldiers or people in the line of fire, so to speak. He inspired people to cold bloodedly murder innocent people by preying on their despair and religion and hopelessness and promising them better. He was a charismatic man who used other to fulfill his twisted, dark, evil desires.
And those who are sad because he was a human being and could have been rehabilitated or treated better - he was shot in the head. We didn't burn him alive, or bury him, or, you know, give him the choice between jumping from a building or waiting to be crushed. We also didn't hijack a plane he was on and terrorize him for awhile before using him to kill others. Nope, that's what his followers did to our innocent citizens. We had a trained marksman shoot him in the head, upon which he died. Some people who think about these things far more than I do say that that is one of the least painful deaths. God, how horrible are we, right?
I'll address rehabilitation just because people have said it, but it's laughable. Sorry, you can't rehabilitate someone who is that twisted. You can take them out so that the people they effect with their hate, the people tat they spread their twisted disease to is lessened. That's best case scenario, and that is what we did.
So, no, I don't feel bad that the man is dead. I'm glad. If that makes me a bloodthirsy savage or someone who isn't intelligent enough to understand the sophistication of how terrorism works, so fucking be it. But I will end on a quote from our President, who I believe summed it up perfectly:
There are people who think that I shouldn't be, though.
As soon as the death of Osama was announced, my Twitter and Facebook blew the fuck up. Most people were happy. Some were skeptical. Some were bitterly talking about Obama. And some were talking about how terrible we all were.
"How can you people rejoice," one post said, "in the death of a human being?"
Let me break this down for anyone who feels that way.
Osama Bin Laden wasn't your average Joe walking down the street. He wasn't even your average murderer. He was the founder of Al Qaeda. Al Qaeda, as you may or may not remember, has claimed responsibility for the deaths of thousands. It wasn't like they just existed with 9/11. They've done much, much more.
It's not like Osama was a poor, sad, downtrodden man, either. He was a wealthy, college educated man. He didn't have a terrible life that somehow could excuse his vileness and hatred (although, really, it couldn't. Sorry.)
He had advantages and prosperity, and he allowed hatred to twist him into an evil person who longed for the death of others. I may use the word hate sometimes or say things like, "OMG, traffic should DIE IN A FIRE" but I've never actually, really hoped for the death or anyone. And I doubt you have either. Osama did though. He hated you. Yup, you. He wanted you dead. Along with anyone else reading this blog who isn't a total extremist. You have kids? He thought they were a blight on the Earth and wanted them dead too. Picture your child as a brand new baby; sweet, innocent, perfect. Osama would have happily murdered your child at that point. Why? Because your child was born in a society that he didn't approve of.
As far as "he's just a figurehead" this is kind of true. He was a figurehead and most of the stuff carried out in his name was not committed by him. But people who blow off his death as unimportant miss something important. PEOPLE FOLLOW FIGUREHEADS. Hitler didn't kill everyone who died under his hand, but he was a figurehead who used his power to inspire people to cause the death of others. And it wasn't soldiers or people in the line of fire, so to speak. He inspired people to cold bloodedly murder innocent people by preying on their despair and religion and hopelessness and promising them better. He was a charismatic man who used other to fulfill his twisted, dark, evil desires.
And those who are sad because he was a human being and could have been rehabilitated or treated better - he was shot in the head. We didn't burn him alive, or bury him, or, you know, give him the choice between jumping from a building or waiting to be crushed. We also didn't hijack a plane he was on and terrorize him for awhile before using him to kill others. Nope, that's what his followers did to our innocent citizens. We had a trained marksman shoot him in the head, upon which he died. Some people who think about these things far more than I do say that that is one of the least painful deaths. God, how horrible are we, right?
I'll address rehabilitation just because people have said it, but it's laughable. Sorry, you can't rehabilitate someone who is that twisted. You can take them out so that the people they effect with their hate, the people tat they spread their twisted disease to is lessened. That's best case scenario, and that is what we did.
So, no, I don't feel bad that the man is dead. I'm glad. If that makes me a bloodthirsy savage or someone who isn't intelligent enough to understand the sophistication of how terrorism works, so fucking be it. But I will end on a quote from our President, who I believe summed it up perfectly:
"His demise should be welcomed by all
who believe in peace and human dignity."
who believe in peace and human dignity."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)