"It's just easy for you"

So, after 12 1/2 months, I am back down to my pre-pregnancy size.

As many of you know, I struggled with my weight my entire life. I was, after I had Rhiannon, 310 pounds. I lost 170ish pounds, then got knocked up again and gained 70ish back.

Let's do a brief, picture laden recap of Star throughout her weight loss journey here:

Me, not too long before I got preggo with Rhi. About 280 lbs:


Me, pregnant with Rhi. 300+ lbs:


Me, 2 years after having Rhi. 135 lbs (my lowest weight ever - it fluctuated a lot from 135 - 140):


Me, pregnant with Keira. 200 lbs:


Me, probably 1 1/2 months post Keira. I'd say 175/180 lbs:


Me, this weekend. 140 lbs. I consider this pre-pregnancy because this was my typical weight. 135 was the low end of normal for me. I was generally 138-140 lbs:

My boobs are bigger now, but I can totally rock out those jeans in the blonde, skinny Star picture.

Anyways, I was talking to a friend the other day, who REALLY wants to lose weight, and I was explaining how I did it, and encouraging her (more on how I did it in a minute) and she said, "But I'm not like you. It's just easy for you."

Let me break this down for you really quick.

I am the girl with the biggest sweet tooth on the planet. I have two friends on Facebook who regularly talk about food they are making, and I regularly implore them to bring me some. I also LOVE bread. And pasta. And fries. So much. On 25 out of 30 days of every month, I would cut someone for a Cold Stone Birthday Cake Remix. I can sit down with one of those loaves of specialty bread and eat at least three quarters of it in a sitting. And I have asthma, which flares with cardio exercise (which I don't particularly love anyways.)

Yet I lost 170 pounds the first time and 70 this time.

It. Was. NOT. Easy.

The first time around, I did Weight Watchers, which helped me learn better eating habits (which fell to the wayside when I was pregnant.) The second time, I briefly flirted with Weight Watchers again before just charting on My Fitness Pal. Both times, I forced myself to find the time and the energy to work out. For me, this has to be in a gym. I am incapable of staying on track at home - I get easily distracted, I pause things, I walk off, I come back, I check Facebook, I talk to Shane, I stop to watch Modern Family, the kids distract me... I do 20-30 minutes of cardio (usually treadmill and stairmaster, this go around, but treadmill and elliptical before) and then I do strength training. This is important, because if you don't tone after losing a lot of weight, you get flabby. I like strength training more than cardio, for sure. I spend 30-40 minutes here. I do this 4x a week.

As far as eating, I eat around 1300 calories a day. I am still nursing and I am not having any issues producing milk here; however, I would caution nursing moms to cut calories a little at a time. It probably isn't an issue to lose weight while nursing, but most sources will say that especially in the first year you should be no lower than 1500. And if you're eating 2600 a day now, you need to taper that down gradually so you don't kill someone. I eat a lot of greek yogurt, fruits, veggies, and poultry. Turkey and chicken primarily. I have discovered a love of salads (as long as they have plenty of tasty stuff in them.) Our house gets everything whole - whole wheat and whole grains.

I also splurge and eat crap sometimes. I had a shake and brats on Memorial Day. Because that's what I wanted, damn it. You can't cut out what you love. You just have to eat it less.

And there are a lot of healthier variations on the things you love too. The whole wheat pasta is a good example. I've also made tortilla and english muffin pizzas. I've substituted Red Mango for ice cream and yogurt for sour cream. I cut out soda almost completely and now I don't find I want it very much. It's amazing how your tastes actually change to embrace the healthiness if you stick with it.

If you are trying or wanting to try to lose weight, I urge you to go for it. Don't say you can't, don't make excuses, and don't expect it all to fall off instantly. It takes time. But it's so worth it. And if you have any questions, I will happily answer them. And if you do My Fitness Pal, add me - I'm starrod - so I can cheer you on.

Conversations with a Formula Company

So today I was at a conference. Our booth was to promote breastfeeding, of course. We were right next to someone representing Abbott Labs. Abbott, as you may know, makes Similac.

At first, I was actually very impressed. The newest "breastfeeding bag" was displayed. For those of you who don't know, when you have a baby, and you are discharged from the hospital, you get a lovely bag from a formula company. If you are formula feeding, you get one bag; if you're breastfeeding, you get another.

The breastfeeding bag promotes breastfeeding and is full of helpful, beneficial breastfeeding stuff, right? Um, no. Traditionally, they have a supply of formula, coupons for formula, a breastfeeding guide and some breastmilk storage bags that you can use for formula when the formula you're given totally sabotages your supply.

So I was THRILLED to see that the new bag on display had NO FORMULA in it.

"Is that what you guys are giving out?" I asked the guy behind the table.

"Um, yeah. I think. I don't really handle the hospital part."

"But...it doesn't have formula! That's like ethical."

He looked at me in utter confusion at that. Poor man. Anyways, he said, "Well, I think we're moving away from promoting in the hospitals so much." (italics mine. He didn't say that all weirdly.)

I. Was. So. Excited. As some of you know, "breastmilk bags" are the bane of the lactation consultant's existence. They contain just enough formula, as I said, to sabotage a new mom's supply. And they sit there in your cupboards, seductively calling you in the early days when you're tired and confused and unsure of yourself. And maybe it's overnight and you're scared, and not sure who to call of even if you can call anyone. So you use it. And since formula is a heavier meal (like Thanksgiving vs. a normal meal) it sits on your baby's tummy longer. So you go longer between feedings. That must mean that you didn't have enough milk, right? So you replace a couple more feedings. Before you know it, KABLAM! You have a crappy supply and you totally doubt your body. Then you're a Similac Strong Mom and they can get literally hundreds to thousands of dollars from you.

Anyways.

So the guy tells me, "Hey, hang on - I'll get the guy who handles the hospital stuff to answer your question."

He walks away, and I look at the bag. It has Kleenex, wipes, 10 newborn diapers, and a toy. Awesome!

The Similac rep comes up, introduces himself, and asks me what questions I have. I say, "These are your new bags?" I gesture to it.

"Oh yeah," says he.

"There's not formula in them?!?"

He here looks sheepish. "Well...they do. But there's only a two day supply, and we're really promoting breastfeeding. And I know that they say that the sample might mess up breastfeeding, but we're really not trying to do that here." He pulls out the actual bag from under the table and invites me to take a look.

It was labeled "breastfeeding" and contained: formula, the bag, coupons for diapers, a cooler bag, "breastmilk" storage bags, a sample of wipes, and information on breastfeeding.

I looked at the breastfeeding information, because I honestly wanted to see what it was like.

There were 2 pamphlets on infant feeding.
The good:
There was legitimately good information on bottlefeeding a baby. Since most people, even breastfeeding moms, eventually use a bottle, I find it HIGHLY important to know how to bottlefeed. We all have this idea about holding the baby prone and holding a bottle upside down in their mouth, but that's a terrible way to feed. You should hold your baby semi-upright and not just pour the milk down the baby's throat. And that was essentially what the pamphlet said.

There was some decent breastfeeding information. It correctly said that your baby should be pooping 3x a day by 3 days and had a decent diaper diary in there that accurately showed breastmilk poops. There was also a graphic showing that a newborn's tummy is the size of a marble and a ping pong ball on day 3. This is true, and important to know.

The bad:
Um, everything else? Lol.

First was the chart of how often to breastfeed. Here it is:


I tell people that they will be feeding their babies 8-12 times a day in the beginning. That is what you do. Babies have tiny tummies and breastmilk is the perfect food, so it is digested quickly. New babies nurse every 60-90 minutes on average. But make a mom think she's nursing more than the average, and, whoa. Well, you have a starving baby! You're not doing it right! Just c'mon and use formula. Clearly your anatomy can't make superior product properly.

Also, remember the tummy sizes we talked about? The marble and ping pong ball? The ones Similac even mentions?

You try to pour 2-3 ounces of liquid in a marble or ping pong ball and tell me how that works for you. Hint: not well. Yet, we're so shocked that kids overeat and are fat. Not at all something we're forcing on them or anything. Even if you are formula feeding, you should NOT be giving your new baby 2 ounces at a time.

Another fun gem was the "how to tell that your baby is getting enough" section. Did you know that your baby should sleep for 2 hours straight after every feeding? Let's not at all take into account the very high percentage of babies who sometimes like to nurse one side, take a fifteen or twenty minute nap, and nurse the next. Nope, they shouldn't be doing this common newborn behavior. There must be something wrong!

And then I came to the hotline. Similac's "feeding experts," billed as lactation consultants.

"Are these lactation consultants IBCLC?" I asked. Full disclosure: I knew they couldn't be. The Code of Ethics for IBCLCs says they cannot work for formula companies.

"Oh yeah."

I kept looking at the pamphlet, but I must have tipped him off in some way that I thought that that was utter bs, because he then said, "Well, Similac contracts with LifeCare and they provide certified lactation consultants that receive similar training to IBCLCs."

(The full story is that the IBCLCs that worked for LifeCare, who *does* provide legitimate breastfeeding support, said that they would absolutely NOT be working for Similac's line, so other people were given an 80 hour training course and set loose "helping" moms. IBCLCs, to even be allowed to test this year, must have 45 hours of lactation specific education and 1000 hours of breastfeeding contact hours. That doesn't even count the numerous hours of studying someone has to do to pass the IBLCE exam. So, yeah - not even close to comparable to 80 hour online courses. Also, lactation professionals have called that line and reported that the advice in incomplete or downright wrong.)

*Sigh*

To wrap this up, I want to say that I am not anti-formula. When I needed it, I was thrilled it existed, and I've even used Similac in the past. I don't think Similac is the most unethical formula company (Nestle takes the cake there.) But I am very disappointed at the bait and switch on their table. While I don't love formula companies giving out bags, if they didn't have samples in them, I would see that as a step in the right direction. And, let's face it, Similac - you've had some godawful press recently (bug recall, the aforementioned hotline issues and the disastrous phone app.) Might be nice to do something that didn't suck, huh?

Monogamy

Monogamy is hard.

I regularly kid around that I couldn't be a polygamist because I couldn't handle more than one relationship at a time, and that's not totally fictitious. Relationships are difficult. It's much easier, in some ways, to do whatever you want to do and not have to run that by anyone else ever. And I say this from within a relationship where my significant other truly doesn't care if I want to go out with my friends or randomly go shopping and doesn't fine tooth comb what I spend or where I spend it or whatever. But there are still things I have to clear with him, because he's the other half of the family decision making unit. I can't, say, decide I want to move tomorrow and just go do it.

And attraction. Listen, if you tell me you've never been attracted to anyone else ever while in a relationship, I will call you a liar to your face. Because you have been. It happens. There's a lot of good looking people out there, and certainly some of them do it for you. It's fine. It's not criminal or wrong, it's human nature.

Since my early twenties, my view on cheating has changed significantly. While I absolutely think that if you are in a serious monogamous relationship you should keep it in your pants or get out of the relationship (if it's that big of a deal to you,) I'm not all that concerned about cheating, at least physically. Do I want it to happen in my relationship? God no. Would I be super upset if Shane cheated on me? Of course. Would I forgive him? Quite possibly. If he was, like, conducting a huge love affair with another woman and wanting to actively leave me to be with her, that would be harder and I truly don't know that I could get past that. However, if he just allowed attraction to happen and it was a mistake, well, that's a little more understandable. We could, with time and effort, work through that, probably. I wouldn't necessarily see that as being worth destroying our entire life. Unless I was already unhappy in the relationship, because then I would see it as time to move on.

Honestly, if he ever had a one night thing with someone, and it involved protection and wasn't going to happen ever again, I wouldn't want to know. I think a lot of people tell their significant others about events like that out of their OWN guilt, not out of any interest in full disclosure. And what does it do? Just causes hurt and pain. If it's done and there's no pregnancy risk or risk of disease, just shut up about it!

But you know what you don't do?

You don't knock somebody up and then lie about it for ten years like Arnold Schwarzenegger. You don't wait until you fulfill your selfish ambitions to blow two families apart. Two families, because the person he had a kid with was married too and just pretended that that kid was her husband's. That's just fucked up. That's the situation where you come clean, and you apologize your ass off and you deal with the fucking fall out, whatever it may be. Because you've just put a new person on Earth, and they haven't done anything wrong. They deserve honesty THEN, not ten years later. They deserve to not have their preteen life become a media circus. Ten is awful anyways, because it starts the liking of the opposite sex and the ugly phase of puberty and all that. Doing it while Perez Hilton blogs about you is probably a fucking nightmare.

Fail, Arnold. Just fail.

The No-Poo Report: Being Crunchy for Beauty

We live in an area that appears to have the hardest water known to mankind. And this has become a problem. Clothes wear out faster. Soap doesn't come off as well. And my hair has been TERRIBLE.

Originally, we planned to get a water softener and fix the whole mess. But we're contemplating a lot of different things as far as where we will live next year, and so I'm holding off.

But my hair could not wait anymore.

Yup, that's right. I'm vain enough that I just prioritized the way my hair looks over like everything else. But, for real, guys, it's bad. It's crunchy on the ends and greasy at the top and I never feel like it's totally clean. And I hate it. I have used pretty much every shampoo/conditioner possible in an effort to make it better, and it hasn't worked worth a damn.

I have some friends who are way more into natural stuff, and for a few months, several have told me that I should "no-poo" my hair. No-poo is a very unfortunate moniker simply meaning "cut out the damn shampoo and conditioner and put baking soda and vinegar in your hair."

This, in no way, sounded like a good plan. So I blew it off. Sorry guys. Also, no-poo people tell me that it takes awhile for your hair to not disgusting upon starting no-poo. One friend helpfully told me that her hair looked like shit for a month, "but then was awesome!"

Well, I didn't want disgusting hair for a month. And, yes, I had heard "cheaper" "less toxic" and "environmentally friendly" also get mentioned as pros, but somehow they didn't overpower having terrible hair for at least a month. Which, I guess, shows you that I suck at being crunchy, lol.

But last night, my hair felt awful, and I was irked, and so I, without really thinking about it, leapt into no-poo full force, mixing up baking soda and water and working it through my hair without even saying anything to anyone.

Which led to this conversation:
Shane: "Um, what's on your hair? What are you DOING?"
Me: "It's called no-poo. You use natural stuff and it's supposed to make your hair suck less and stuff."
Shane: "No-poo?"
Me: "Yeah, dumb name, huh?"
Shane: "Does that mean your hair is constipated?"

I love that man.

Anyways, so I baking sodaed, and then I got in the shower and rinsed, then I ran apple cider vinegar and water through my hair.

First no-poo issue - OMFG, apple cider vinegar STINKS. I had to rinse my hair like 24 billion times to feel like it was cleanish and nonstinky. This can apparently be resolved by using white vinegar and mixing essential oils in it. A blog I read suggested vanilla and a stick of cinnamon to make your hair smell yummy. This I will try.

Ok, so out of the shower, de-vinegarfied, and I ran my hand through my hair, which, for once, had like minimal tangles. And felt softer than normal. My scalp felt better, too.

This morning, my hair was still surprisingly manageable and tangle free, my natural wave is more noticeable, and my color is brighter. The only downfall is that my hair is a little static-y. Soft, but static-y. Is that normal? Should I be doing something differently? I have no idea.

So I'll give no-poo (I still hate the name) awhile to work its supposed magic. We'll see. But if my hair gets all gross, I am going straight back to shampoos, no matter how toxic they are.

Osama

In case you haven't heard, spoiler alert! Osama Bin Laden is dead. And I'm pleased as punch about this.

There are people who think that I shouldn't be, though.

As soon as the death of Osama was announced, my Twitter and Facebook blew the fuck up. Most people were happy. Some were skeptical. Some were bitterly talking about Obama. And some were talking about how terrible we all were.

"How can you people rejoice," one post said, "in the death of a human being?"

Let me break this down for anyone who feels that way.

Osama Bin Laden wasn't your average Joe walking down the street. He wasn't even your average murderer. He was the founder of Al Qaeda. Al Qaeda, as you may or may not remember, has claimed responsibility for the deaths of thousands. It wasn't like they just existed with 9/11. They've done much, much more.

It's not like Osama was a poor, sad, downtrodden man, either. He was a wealthy, college educated man. He didn't have a terrible life that somehow could excuse his vileness and hatred (although, really, it couldn't. Sorry.)

He had advantages and prosperity, and he allowed hatred to twist him into an evil person who longed for the death of others. I may use the word hate sometimes or say things like, "OMG, traffic should DIE IN A FIRE" but I've never actually, really hoped for the death or anyone. And I doubt you have either. Osama did though. He hated you. Yup, you. He wanted you dead. Along with anyone else reading this blog who isn't a total extremist. You have kids? He thought they were a blight on the Earth and wanted them dead too. Picture your child as a brand new baby; sweet, innocent, perfect. Osama would have happily murdered your child at that point. Why? Because your child was born in a society that he didn't approve of.

As far as "he's just a figurehead" this is kind of true. He was a figurehead and most of the stuff carried out in his name was not committed by him. But people who blow off his death as unimportant miss something important. PEOPLE FOLLOW FIGUREHEADS. Hitler didn't kill everyone who died under his hand, but he was a figurehead who used his power to inspire people to cause the death of others. And it wasn't soldiers or people in the line of fire, so to speak. He inspired people to cold bloodedly murder innocent people by preying on their despair and religion and hopelessness and promising them better. He was a charismatic man who used other to fulfill his twisted, dark, evil desires.

And those who are sad because he was a human being and could have been rehabilitated or treated better - he was shot in the head. We didn't burn him alive, or bury him, or, you know, give him the choice between jumping from a building or waiting to be crushed. We also didn't hijack a plane he was on and terrorize him for awhile before using him to kill others. Nope, that's what his followers did to our innocent citizens. We had a trained marksman shoot him in the head, upon which he died. Some people who think about these things far more than I do say that that is one of the least painful deaths. God, how horrible are we, right?

I'll address rehabilitation just because people have said it, but it's laughable. Sorry, you can't rehabilitate someone who is that twisted. You can take them out so that the people they effect with their hate, the people tat they spread their twisted disease to is lessened. That's best case scenario, and that is what we did.

So, no, I don't feel bad that the man is dead. I'm glad. If that makes me a bloodthirsy savage or someone who isn't intelligent enough to understand the sophistication of how terrorism works, so fucking be it. But I will end on a quote from our President, who I believe summed it up perfectly:

"His demise should be welcomed by all
who believe in peace and human dignity."

Dear Natural Birth Advocates

I hate you.

Ok, yeah, I'm one of you. But in a weird bit of psychosis, I can't stand you. I know, I'm insane. But hear me out.

I am SO DAMN TIRED of seeing the 2000000000000 things in my feed every day about why natural birth is so amazing, but, more than that, I'm tired of the inherent condescension in many of them over "moms who take drugs" or - god forbid! - c-section moms. After all, your cousin's father's sister's daughter-in-law had a homebirth with a breech baby after 10 c-sections and it was all because SHE EMPOWERED HERSELF. SHE TRUSTED HER BODY. If YOU trust your body, YOU can do it too!

Yeah, well, sometimes you fucking can't. I'm proof positive of that.

I don't mean to sound jaded or pissy, but I've had two births that have been such crappy experiences for me that I feel like a have a very mild form of PTSD over them. Seriously. Yet if you listen to the advocates, sunshine and rainbows should have magically propelled my kids from my uterus as long as I just wrapped myself in mother Earth and let it happen.

Let's remember something here, everyone. C-sections came into being for a reason. Sometimes nature fucks up. You can't always help that. Should our country's rate be what it is? Hell no. But should we instantly assume that every mom who has a c-section or an epidural or pitocin is an uneducated hack? Again, hell no.

You know, one of the real issues with activism in general is the condescension that some people pick up with it. The thought that if YOU did it, anyone could, is a)not always right and b)makes anyone that things don't work for feel like less of a person. Not how you sway people to your point of view, guys. Not at all. You gotta have compassion with your activism.

One of the things I've learned in working with breastfeeding moms is that not everyone can do it. Sad, but true. Some of my moms go back to work nearly instantly and can't build up a decent supply. Some have hypoplastic breasts. Some are victims of sexual assault. They aren't lesser because they "failed." In truth, they've done something more difficult that me, the girl who breastfed two kids (even though my experience with Rhiannon was a struggle the whole time.) They've gone, "Ok. This is what I wanted, but it's not working, and I'm not sacrificing my baby on the altar of breastfeeding." That takes an incredible amount of bravery and grace. Giving up a dream that you had and badly wanted is sometimes an act of strength, not weakness.

30 Things - One Year To Go

Let's talk about how this is progressing, shall we?

1)Find some ways to cook vegetables that we can all agree on
-And by we, I mean Shane. Rhi will eat just about any veggie you put in front of her. Ditto for me. Shane, however, loathes everything but green beans, potatoes, raw carrots, and corn. Do you know how tedious that gets? Very, is the answer. I'm determined to find some way to prepare more things so he will actually eat them. Yeah, not so much yet.

2)Volunteer somewhere
-I want to find some kind of good, local organization to do volunteer work for. I'm not sure what I want to do, or where I want to work...I just want to be sure that they reflect the same ideals that I have. Yay! I do!

3)Have a home that uses more sustainable energy sources
-I want a cob house. I don't think that's in the cards for the next twoish years, because I think we want to wait to build until I get out of college and we live somewhere that we want to stay for a long time (hint:not this state.) But once we move, we won't be using gas at all. Shane's all about switching to solar, and I'd be great with that. ...We have energy efficient bulbs...

4)Go to one of the following places: Spain, Italy, Bali, the Caymans
-Because I want to. It's not gonna happen before 30. Pretty sure.

5)Get a tummy tuck
-This is my last kid, and I lost a crapload of weight. I think after I'm back to the weight I want to be, I deserve to have a cosmetic procedure to give me a flat stomach. It's pretty vain and everything, but I feel like it would be a great reward for my hard work. I'm postponing this, because I want another kid now, maybe.

6)Have a weekly family night where we do something fun
-I really hate how disconnected a lot of people are from their children and partners. I don't want to be that family. I want to be the happy, involved family. So whether we're playing board games or going to Chuck E. Cheese, or baking cookies, I want a night of togetherness. This is easier said than done. But we do have quality time, just not SPECIFIC quality time. :/

7)Eat better foods
-We mostly eat pretty healthy, at least compared to the normal American diet of processed crap. But I'd really like to eat even less processed foods, more organics...have a garden, where we grow our own vegetables and herbs...maybe, since we'll be living in the middle of farms, get more local meat from neighbors. Since I've been working and doing school, it's worse than ever. This ends now.

8)Completely stop shopping at places like WalMart
-It's a necessary evil sometimes here. I really want to shop at less chain stores and more locally owned small businesses, though. I really need to work on this

9)Go back to school
-This one should happen by next fall at the latest. Done and done. I'm there.

10)Have a date night at least bi-weekly
-Remember what I said about families? Well, sometimes, even in families that do all that, the parents totally lose the spark to their relationship and just become friends and partners. If I just wanted a friend and partner, I'd raise my kids with another chick and be celibate, lol. We REALLY need to work on this. Like, a lot.

11)Be a better housekeeper
-While my house is never, like, going to evoke feelings of disgust in anyone, the perils of having a small child mean that it's almost always in a state of disarray to some extent. I really want to improve that. Ha! I've been doing this too! I am awesome!

12)Have a better wardrobe
-I buy tons of adorable things that I love, usually at places like Goodwill. But then somehow they get lost, or the kid or I spill on them, or they don't quite go with anything else, or they aren't quite appropriate for every day. I want to invest in a wardrobe that has nice, well-tailored every day pieces, stuff for going out, et cetera, that's very washable and wearable. And kid friendly, lol. Sort of happening.

13)Learn a foreign language
-I'm not even sure which one. But a foreign language. Uh...not even started

14)Learn to actually swim
-I had lessons, I can do a decent approximation, but I'd like to be able to have the right form. Not yet

15)Learn to do some form of yoga that I actually like
-Man, I have a hard time with yoga. Maybe I've just watched the wrong dvds or something, because I can't really get down with it. I'd like to take a class or something with a really good teacher to see if maybe I can learn to not just think it's horribly boring most of the time. Yes! This has happened! Yay Sienna!

16)Have a well-decorated home
-You know how you go into some houses and you just marvel at how beautifully put together they are? Like, maybe not Martha Stuart living, a little more touchable than that, but a place that's just so warm and inviting? And you go back to your house and are let down at how not like that your home is? I want to have that house. I can't *here*, because it's a rental, but when we move...Pfft. My house is decorated in "early baby." Characterized by toys everywhere.

17)Have a dishwasher
-The worst chore on Earth is handwashing dishes. I'll go extra green on everything else, but, man, I have to have a dishwasher. One kid and two adults produce so damn many dishes I can't keep up. Imagine two kids, two adults. Ugh. I wish.

18)Start composting
-We've started recycling a lot more lately, and I'm already amazed at the reduction in normal household trash. I think composting would really add to that, too. Not yet

19)Get back to bellydance classes
-I love them, and I haven't been for a long time, because of general brokeness and just not having the time. But I'm going to make the damn time for it. In a twenty four hour day, I can surely take one of those hours once a week for myself. Working on it.

20)Keep in better touch with my friends, nearby and far away
-I'm bad at keeping in touch with people, but then I get really sad that I lose touch with friends. So I'm going to try to do better. This is hard for me. But Skype has been helping, family wise.

21)Get more involved with issues I care about
-I do more than most people as far as this is concerned, I think, but I'd like to do even more. On some things, yes. On others no.

22)Find a job where I'm happy at least 85% of the time
-I know no job will ever be something that I love 100% of the time. But lately my job's been pretty monotonous and I feel way less inspired than I did before. I love teaching the kids, I love feeling like I make a difference in that way, but I feel, lately, like nothing we do is good enough for the parents. And it sucks, because I genuinely care about those children, their care, and what they're learning. But it's hard to not just want to say screw it when you have people who are always dissatisfied with what you do. I could take it every once in awhile, but constantly...yeah. Worst is the fact that usually the parents who are complaining are the ones who we seriously need cooperation from, because their kids need extra help or attention. But we can't get it because we're too busy hearing how everything is our fault. So by the time I'm thirty, even though I won't be out of school yet or subsequently have my career going, I want a job that's better than this. I LOVE MY JOB! Win.

23) Be a better cook
-I get bored, I stop paying attention, I burn things. Or over-cook them, or whatever. It's less than awesome. I think I can say this is a work in progress.

24) Spend a little extra money to buy products I really like.
-I wind up fretting over the extra cost, but, man, on some things, the expense is worth it. While I don't always agree that you get what you pay for, it's true in a few cases, and worth the extra. Kind of

25) Spend less on stupid things to make up for #24
-I really do buy stuff I don't need way too often. That needs to change. Eh. Need to work on this more

26) Go the the chiropractor more
-It was worth the money the last time I went, for reals. I need to actually keep up on it. Nope. :/

27) Drink more water
-I really just don't like the taste. But it's the best thing to drink, really...good for you, not full of empty calories. I can tolerate it with lemon. So I need to make it a habit. I actually LIKE water now.

28) Grow my damn hair out
-It goes a little something like this. I start to grow my hair. I get bored. I experiment with colors. I experiment with styles. Eventually, I hack it off out of total boredom, and then I whine because I don't have the face for short hair, and I want it long again. This, I know, is going to be especially prone to happening after I have this baby when my hair is falling out and stuff. So, future Star, DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR!!! DON'T!!! AFTER THE BABY, JUST PUT IT UP UNTIL IT STOPS FALLING OUT!!!!! I listened to you, past Star.

29) Spend more time being actively spiritual
-I used to do this all the time. And while I still take my spirituality very, very seriously, I haven't been able to do the things I normally would have. And I need to, without being more spiritual, I feel very much like I'm not quite myself, like I'm detached from God, so to speak. And that sucks. Need to work on this. A lot.

30) Work on controlling my temper
-I can be a little (overly) emotional sometimes. And I can be a bitch on wheels when I'm angry. I've made huge, huge improvements there, but sometimes I still fly off the handle. So I'm going to try to communicate better and yell less, I guess. lol. I think I'm getting better. Yay!